Thursday, May 22, 2008

By the pound or by the piece

There's an ongoing discussion, mostly in newspapers and news magazines, about the U. S. Mint still making one cent pieces. Most of the time we call them pennies, but the official term the Mint uses is one-cent piece (the English have a penny). The latter term certainly came in handy for both T. S. Eliot, and George Harrison. It costs more than one cent to make a one cent piece and suddenly our Federal Government which has elevated spending money to an art form is concerned about fiscal prudence.

The 'why do we need a once-cent piece?' argument goes on and on and expands to cover the price of everything and the value of nothing and then we all grow quiet for a couple of years before, suddenly, the whole argument starts again. But, to me it leads to a larger question: how do we figure out how much things cost in the first place?

The answer, if you're an office dwelling dweeb like me is, of course, we don't, someone else does. As much as Groucho's little brother blamed those mean, old capitalists for all the evils in the world, communist grocery stores had prices, even when they had no products to sell. So it seems there's a lot of forces that come into play in order to price a good or a service, be it a can of creamed corn, a gallon of gasoline or a dental crown.

Some goods are sold by the pound, such as seedless grapes or chicken breasts and other services, such as legislative lobbying and lap-dancing are sold by the iteration or even the result.

Traveling on Route 12 yesterday, away from Groton towards the Pequot Bridge, I passed a white sign with black block letters telling me (and all drives) "Fine for Littering-$219" which is certainly a memorable figure, as I've retained it, but also one of those 'how did you get to that number?' situations for me. Does the fine include the cost courts or are those extra and what if you represent yourself (and how do you do that when you're charged with littering? Does the state bring in a CSI unit, with a Gil Grissom of Garbage dusting for prints, or TAFKAP?)

Tell me the fine is a hundred dollars or a thousand dollars, I think we all have less of a problem accepting round numbers, even if the process of creating those nuumbers is equally obscure -but when you come up with a crooked number like 219, you should also explain the process to assuage the anxieties of munchkins like me. And the $219 covers throwing a soda can out the window, or a case of soda-or just the plastic ringy thing that holds six cans together?

Does the court have an express judge for ten items or less thrown, hurled or dropped from a moving vehicle and if someone is charged with littering for flipping a cigarette butt from her/his car (I hate people who do that, even as a former smoker myself ; use the ashtray, you ash hole) is it pro-rated? Is there a difference in the fine if it's a filter cigarette, or a menthol? And what about that couch I saw? Perhaps the discarder couldn't afford to pitch the ottoman as well.
-bill kenny

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