Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Forever Young

If I told you P. T. Barnum would weep for joy, would you care? If Ponce De Leon had only searched elsewhere but the future home of Disneyworld, would you be as startled by what I'm about to share? I think not.

Bethel (CT)'s favorite son, couldn't and doesn't hold a candle to the oh-so-amazing Alex Chiu (not the younger brother of the famed Christmas Carol, but famous in his own mind, nevertheless) with just the product you've spent your whole life looking for. And much like Ponce, I stumbled upon it, quite by accident.

I first encountered a mention of Alex inside a reference to my favorite 'leading medical authority' (in his own words) Kevin Trudeau. To be honest with you (and with Kev), I tend to always think of him more as this guy, than as any of the personae he has become in his own infomercials, as amazing as they, too, so often are. It's almost funny how often I confuse perineum, which is what he really is, with premium which is what Kevin thinks he is.

So when a heavy-weight like KT raves about a fellow trailblazer whose own website promises "More advanced than Star Trek technology!", I don't know about you, Buck Rogers, but I say 'bring it!' And Alex does, and it's not just the preposterousness of the product claims, it's also the full frontal assault mode of pitching them that has me and you, too, right now, bookmarking this guy's site and adding it to my favorite places, in the categories of both 'humor' and 'dangers of drinking (too much) Sterno'.

And you can't say he didn't warn us. Right there, on the front page of his site he tells us, "I am risking danger from FDA trying to bring my technology to light." What a man! On the same page with Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla and Albert Einstein, Alex has tamed the powers of cellular magnetic flux, which, when applied correctly, will result in all of us living forever(!) This must be real science stuff because my brain hurts just reading about it.

He not only has an immortality device, but as a second act, so to speak, he's hawking the Gorgeouspil that will "make you prettier and more beautiful every morning." I owe Martin Sargent a debt I could never repay, even if I, too, lived forever for sharing his conversation with Big Al. I hope you'll use your added years to think of ways to express your undying gratitude as well. Of course, if we all live forever, it may start to get a bit crowded around here. "Can you imagine when this race is won. Turn our golden faces into the sun. Praising our leaders, we're getting in tune. The music's played by the madmen." All that's missing is a toll-free number. No rush, though, we've got plenty of time to get one.
-bill kenny

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