Timing the Spin Cycle

A score or more years ago, Charles Barkley made himself very well-known for more than his on-the-court antics in the National Basketball Association by declaring 'I am not a role model'. Beneath and behind the tee-shirt sales, the TV commercial, the shoes and all the other hullabaloo, was a truth bordering on a truism. Thank goodness we all have attention deficit or we would have remembered his point and then what would I have for today?

Is this a Tiger Woods rant? Almost- It would be if I thought there were a reason for one. But when I sit here and stare at the monitor, all I can concede is that it's all really none of my business. The last time I checked, Tiger (or as the NY Times always calls him, "Mr. Woods") is still a professional golfer (a bit of an understatement, you say. Yes,like the Titanic Captain telling the passengers, 'here comes the dodgy part').

If that's still true about the golfer what to make of a release on his website, "For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology" or so says an item on People magazine's website. I'm being facetious when I wonder if he's talking about a poor round, when (of course) I, and you, know that's not what he's been in the news about. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. It seems Tiger, too, has been hiking the Appalachian Trail.

I agree with Mark Twain, "Golf is a good walk, ruined." Until Tiger Woods came along, I usually developed a cramp in my thumb from pushing the remote even harder and faster when I came across golf on television. Now, I'll actually look at it and if it's a tournament he's competing in and the camera is on him, I'll sit down and watch at least until the next commercial break (I ADORE the way the guys in the booth announcing the tourney whisper like maybe the golfers can hear them). I behave like this ONLY for Yankees baseball or for World Cup soccer matches. Yeah, I'm a big fan of Mr. Woods, the golfer.

He doesn't owe me an apology for anything that has happened on or off the course. I'm not the laid-back ranger or a live and let live kind of guy. I am utterly indifferent to him and the other six point whatever billion of us who are scurrying around today on the big blue marble. And I thank you in advance for treating me the same way.

I'm the most self-entitled person on this planet so if I think he owes me nothing, he owes you nothing, too. When he has his own rubric on the ESPN crawl across the bottom of the screen, that's probably par for the course (you knew I would do that, right?GROAN.). When he has his own ticker on CNN or Fox, we need to find other things to do than watch TV.

Our right, not prerogative--not privilege, but right to NOT know everything about another human being, celebrity or otherwise, should ALWAYS exceed the mainstream media's need to tell me . Who the heck decided a decade and a half ago that the National Enquirer's assignment desk was to be the nexus of world news? And all the 24/7 Gnus guys and gals, spare me that whole 'we're covering this story because XYZ News is covering it' jazz. As someone noted, 'if twenty million believe in a stupid thing, it is still a stupid thing.'

Tuesday night the President of the United States took to the airwaves to outline his proposal for additional troop deployments to Afghanistan and to discuss the ramifications and import with the rest of us. Maybe you saw it. What led every one's newscasts and was all over the front page of your newspaper yesterday? "You don't really need to find out what's going on. You don't really wanna know just how far it's gone. Just leave well enough alone. Eat your dirty laundry." Vamp for time while we play through. Hand me my driver, Teddy.....
-bill kenny