Tuesday, February 23, 2010

(Not) All Dogs Go to Heaven

I only caught it in the newspaper over the weekend, but thanks to the World Wide Weird Web, it's easy to pull the string these days and find the source, "Godless Will Adopt Pets of Blessed After Judgment Day."

For those not familiar with eschatology (the study of Last Days as prophesied in the Bible), we've seen a variant in recent months with the media attention about the End of the World as forecast for 21 December 2012 in the Mayan calendar. I was tempted to stop paying on my credit cards; what's the worst that can happen, but decided against it. And in a sense, the story on pet adoption after The Rapture is fitting to have run in the Bloomberg News Service, because when you read the item you see the triumph of the entrepreneurial spirit.

"The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World," says the website created by Bart Centre (a/k/a The Atheist Camel) offering the adoption service (for a fee). With all due respect to Mitch Albom, it looks like none of the five people you meet in heaven will be snagging a frisbee with their mouths. If you liked Air Bud, better grab the DVD when you hear the hosannas, because the star will not have the left the building in a manner of speaking. And if you watched Stuart Little for anyone other than Geena Davis or Hugh Laurie, Snowball, plan on enjoying the large popcorn for all eternity. In the words of the Christian Reformed Church, color all of us surprised.

Only in America, even as we struggle to learn enough Chinese to speak to the nation that just about owns us, could we approach something as final as the end of days and see a silver lining in the darkening cloud. And when I say silver, I really mean platinum, because arranging for your pet to be adopted by a leftover (? What should we call those not involved in the Manufacturer's Recall?) after the Second Coming will cost some coin (all things considered, not a lot, especially if you take the long view) though distrustful and mistrustful soul that I am, I'm trying to figure out how Bart can offer a guarantee on the happy ending aspect. Or does he expect me to take that on faith?

Some of us will hear heavenly hosts while others hear the ka-ching of the cash register. To each his own. After all, doesn't the money say 'In God We Trust'? And it's finger popping, twenty-four hour shopping in Rapture. Amen (and woof!, meow! and chirp! as appropriate).
-bill kenny

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