Thursday, February 24, 2011

Seems Like I Stand Pretty Much Unseen

You would have no way of knowing this but in the course of the last forty eight hours, I went from looking like Grizzly Adams to Weezer's little brother (when he's asleep). I had what passes for me as a full beard, got tired of it on Tuesday so I shaved it off on Wednesday and followed that by shaving off the most pathetic moustache in the history of hirsutism (and you thought I made it up) the following day.

I almost grow very cool stubble bubble. I get practically on top of the Hugh Laurie look (I already have the limp and the cane; no vicodin and no Olivia Wilde though I am incredibly surly) and then it all turns to crap. The three and a half growth, by day four is too long and I can't figure out how to trim without a whip and chair. I always end up looking like the guy who forgot his squeegee when they were assigning street corners. Picking up a dogshead, Ian, and spitting out pieces of his broken luck.

And yet, instead of dashing and suave, I'm the survivor who wrestles stray animals for first crack at the dumpster. When I looked in the mirror yesterday afternoon, what I had thought was the desicatted carcass of a deceased caterpillar above my upper lip was, in fact, the surprisingly robust remains of my presumed to have been shaved off moustache. Color me abashed (maties!).

I have a history of unhappy encounters with implements with sharpened edges. I cut my right hand so suddenly and so deeply one evening with an apple corer that I had to have my fingertips superglued together after being rushed to the hospital. So that I would be less than successful with the most heavily advertised men's shaving implement since facial hair was invented isn't as amazing as I'd like it to be, so much as less than seldom as well.

As much science as appliance-that's what I fear we are today and I was never good at the first and have come late to the table for the latter. "...Dreams, schemes, moments wasted...Reedited again, then copy pasted." Should all come down to 'to what purpose and for what end' but always seems to be 'who wants to know and why?'
-bill kenny

No comments: