Don't even try to roll over and sleep off that sugar high, my itty-bitty Pretty One even if it's more likely to be high fructose corn syrup (everybody's favorite villain these days).
If you went door to door with the kids, let's face it you knew which houses were giving out apples and bran flakes (sounded better in my head than it looks typed out here) and stayed way far away from them. And there are still houses who handed these out. They've been around for almost a hundred years and I'm pretty sure last night's haul were part of the original production run.
Perhaps you went to an adult Halloween party as oxymoronic as that reads. You certainly didn't come here, as whenever I hear people refer to Halloween as a 'holiday' I throw up in my mouth just a little bit. Those who see Halloween as an adult holiday are also the same people who organize trips to Comic-Con and parse the sentences in Frazier's Klingon Bar-Mitzvah speech. nuqneH yIn Suq.
As you try to find all the pieces of your costume and as your eyes adjust to the light, figure out what were you thinking when you brought that slumbering bundle to your boudoir early this morning, let me be the first to wish you a Happy All Saints Day.
You knew there was a reason last week why you wanted to go as Drew Brees, but you couldn't find the words, right? Gotta tell ya, that was scary. Had the College of Cardinals seen that clip, complete with Jorge Mario Bergoglio lurking in the corner, Pope Kelly I would be officiating his first Holy Day of Obligation Mass even as I type. Oh, where is our solace, Lord?
-bill kenny
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