Monday, December 12, 2016

Readying for Winter

We had a threat of snow for today and we'll see how that forecast worked out once we get some daylight in these parts. I feel like it really is winter though the calendar reminds me that technically it is still autumn so I won't complain too much except I really dislike snow and let'sleave it at that, more or less.

I have enough snow shovels so that if I had an army of friends, we'd be covered but since I don't have any friends, I'm just fine forever in that department. I do have a snow blower I got a couple of years ago at an end of season sale (do you know there are model years for snow blowers and lawn mowers? Amazing stuff). I didn't need it last year, which was good since my wife gets angry when I shovel snow or use the snow blower. But wishing the snow away has yet to succeed so here we are.

My problem with the snow blower is it makes a lot of noise (It's gas powered; I've seen electric ones and they make me laugh, they really do) and I hate to bother people early in the morning which is when I go to work even if everyone else technically refers to that time of the day as the middle of the night. Po-ta-toh, po-tah to. 

And I have no mechanical ability (I accidentally learned that my car has an alarm after arming it while in the vehicle, sitting in the parking lot at the grocery; I have no idea how I did that so I can't really list it as my super-power though I am tempted) and so just finding where you put the oil in and where the gas goes took forever when we got it. But I'm ready now 

Dear people who make stuff like snow blowers: Yes, I know they are for manly men and, as such, laugh in the face of common sense but let's face it, lots of the engine parts are made out of plastic like the crankcase where the oil goes and the gas tank. Why must this always be made of the darkest, blackest plastic you can find? Why can't they be clear so a talentless goober like me can see, with a glance, was is los in the lubrication and fuel departments? Is this too much to ask? If it is, sorry. And maybe it is fortunate that I didn't pursue chainsaw juggling as a career.

If previous years are any barometer, with very little effort I'll get the snow blower started and move forward. If I recollect correctly, it has five forward speeds and two reverse which is slightly more of everything than my car has. In previous years I get slightly overcome perhaps by the fumes or the dispersing snow or some combination of both and become a person I do not much care for in normal life, except, of course, it's winter and I'm Bill the Outdoorsman (flannel shirt sold separately). 

I hope to not have a repeat of a recent winter where I had so fallen in love with the technology I had at the end of my outstretched arms I decided why not go ahead and try to clear the ENTIRE backyard with the snow blower? Thank goodness I ran out of gas.
Perhaps I should see if this year there's a patch to prevent that sort of thing like for smoking?
-bill kenny 

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