Sunday, July 6, 2008

Staying abreast of Courant events

I love the Internet, not just because I can engage in my Wordsworthian aspirations on as broad a tapestry as the mind of humanity has yet invented (though that is pretty cool), but because it's a gathering place for every kind of story-the real, surreal, cereal, and ones that sound like they could or should be made up.

This one popped up the other day on the CT Associated Press site, attributed to the otherwise always held in high regard for its sane and sober reporting as a newspaper, The Hartford Courant. I envy the folks of Manchester, CT, their shopping opportunities and am drawn like a moth a flame (come to think of it, where is their Yankee Candle store?). I don't like the drive or the traffic to take advantage of them, but you do what you have to when you're dissatisfied with the choices in the area in which you live.

According to the published story, drivers along I-291 reported a fellow walking along the highway wearing a wig, a thong and a pair of fake breasts (I'm wondering where the story would have been placed had he chosen to wear but ONE fake breast (Cyclops?)--or considering the speeds at which cars move along on the highways, with what degree of certainty the motorists could report they were, indeed, fake breasts). The story, I'm sure for reasons of space, doesn't offer any explanation for this behavior or very many details on the incident beyond the basics.

The account mentions the alleged offender's name, talks about the charges preferred against him (which are far more mundane than I would have thought--but then again, I have a fantastic imagination) and what the amount of bail was. Not a word on the hair style of the wig not an adjectival descriptor about the thong or, anything at all about the fake breasts. Maybe I haven't been paying attention and this type of situation happens a lot out in Manchester, and the police are just about out of ways to describe it. Brevity is the soul of communication after all.

I am assuming in addition to having all of the items the report says he had, the man along the highway was grinning, perhaps because he's familiar with the expression, 'let a smile be your umbrella' or has heard "The Umbrella Song." And I guess we should all be grateful his conduct didn't create too many gawkers or slow moving traffic.That would have been an udderly terrible. ;-)
-bill kenny

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