Paging Carl Douglas

I'm showing my age when I mention Carl Douglas. More than one of you may wonder how he's related to Kirk or Michael Douglas, and more than one of you would be very wrong. 

Carl, of course, was the performer of this classic toe tapper (not to be confused with Jake Tapper). I wasn't necessarily a fan of it, but Flo & Eddie's strong negative feelings put my opinion in the shade. 

Between you and me, I'm surprised all these decades later that someone hasn't re-roasted Carl's chestnut and presented it to us on something like America's Got Talent or The Masked Singer, two shows I have never watched, which is why I think they would be the perfect platforms to launch the revival. 

I found just the video to complement the song. No need to thank me.
-bill kenny

Dorothy and Toto Think Otherwise

I'm on peritoneal dialysis (and hoping to be considered for a transplant) because my kidneys have been failing for years and can no longer do the job they were designed for. 

I have a lot of time all night, every night, as my cycler goes through its "Fill, Dwell, and Drain" cycle, to marvel at how complex a machine our bodies are.  

Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion notwithstanding, there are five organs we can live without, if we have to. 

If you're waiting for a joke or a quip, hope you packed a lunch, as I don't have one, but I was wondering if I could swap a kidney for a gallbladder.
-bill kenny

Put Me In, Coach

We've had perhaps more than a fair amount of snow this winter (so far, and maybe we're not done with the white stuff yet). It's February in New England, I get that. But I'm all kinds of warm inside as Major League Baseball returns today when the Boys of Summer start spring training games.  

I know it's 'not real baseball' and 'the games don't count,' but a boy can dream. Spring training games are to Doubleday's delight what Velveeta is to cheese, but until the games start to count, I'm willing to grin and bear it (and eat it up with a spoon, preferably out of an ice cream sundae baseball helmet snack bowl). 

Sometimes the best reason to hit the ballpark

And if the joy of baseball's return isn't quite enough for you, here's a brainteaser that will keep you occupied.

I know, 'just a bit outside.'
-bill kenny

A Fine Line Before Heinlein

I've sort of gotten used to the automated assistance a lot of online vendors and service providers use. Having lived through Microsoft's Clippy or whatever its name was, I can put up with a measured amount of that nonsense, but I think I draw the line at hospitals, looking at you, William W. Backus Hospital, Norwich, Connecticut, pulling it on me when I call them. 

I don't call often, but when I do, I want to speak to someone in scheduling for the too-many tests and scans I require as part of my daily life, or with someone in my doctor's office because I have a concern that requires attention; an itch in need of a scratch. 

Not a machine, supposedly AI (or A One, as our Secretary of What-Used-to-Be-Education calls Artificial Intelligence) that leads me nowhere and then leaves me there. 

Seemingly, "Grok" is the future. 

Nein danke.
-bill kenny

That Was Just a Dream

When we were kids, today was a very serious and solemn moment on the calendar, Ash Wednesday. 

It's been decades since I gave something up for Lent (truth to tell, I failed my faith and gave up Lent but then kept on living) and I've rationalized my failure by pointing out to myself that since I always went back to whatever I gave up (usually something to eat as opposed to a behavior change), I hadn't really changed at all, so surrender cost nothing because it was worth nothing.

And then I look around me, and see where we are and where I am in the midst of all of that and realize I didn't run backwards or stop running at all to be here (nor did any of us) but rather, just ran a step slower, a step less resolute, perhaps a shorter footfall until the distance grew inexorably longer between where we wanted to be (and knew we had to go) and where we were to end up, so far behind we could no longer see those up ahead.

And when the distance between us was too great to ever fill, we stopped and have forgotten how to start again. Which makes today more important as a beginning than it can ever be as an end, because I think I saw you try.
-bill kenny 

Did You See His Name?

I grew up and more-than-halfway old without the Internet and all the wonders it hath wrought. Instantaneous and worldwide connectivity sure sounded like a good idea, except we get in one another's way and create unintended casualties.  

There are as many online villages and communities of interest as there are people on the planet. Sometimes they do good things, and no one knows who to applaud, and other times they do horrible things, and there's no way to undo the harm. 

Last weekend, on a Facebook group page (among thousands, I suspect) about where I live, Norwich, Connecticut, someone posted a video showing another someone behaving badly (abhorrently to be candid) and then yet another someone else did some 'research' (i.e., Google) and put a name to the face of the miserable miscreant. Insert graphic of self-righteousness here.

I think the kids call that 'doxing.' 

Here's the problem: the person outed by name on the page was NOT the person misbehaving in the video. Too late! Their family and employer have been bombarded with insults, invective, and all manner of imprecations. There's no way to unring the bell, and no one knows where the injured party should go to get their reputation back. 

Sometimes a pause does more than refresh. Maybe we should all try it more.
-bill kenny 

Automobiles and Mattress Sales

Abraham Lincoln's birthday is still on my calendar for 12 February but it has had less meaning for decades, since Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holidays Act, and we rolled it into the birthday celebration of the Father of Our Country, George Washington (listed on my calendar for February), but observed today as part of Presidents' Day. 

That George spent more than half of his farewell address warning his countrymen about the dangers of political partisanship, I find, in light of where we are today, obscenely funny, but that might just be my sense of humor. 

That Honest Abe used his Second Inaugural Address to offer "(w)ith malice toward none, with charity for all..." at a moment in our history where we most fervently hated one another (with a ferocity that would cost him his very life a little more than thirteen months later) causes me to wonder why we, you and me and all the lunatic loudmouths and bombastic blowhards on either side of the political fence, can't pipe down long enough to work together to get this cart we're all in out of the ditch we've maneuvered it into. 

To put it into perspective, when Washington and Lincoln were presidents, people disagreed with one another so strongly that they pointed and fired weapons at one another--and you've seen those weapons. It took a LOT of work to successfully shoot somebody with one of them. None of this cap bustin' stuff, serious mayhem was on the agenda then. We keyboard warriors should blush.

All this pouting and posturing we are up to these days on Sunday morning talk shows, the endless primaries, and in the Halls of Congress makes my brain hurt, and when we get all through sorting out who's to blame for all the wrongs and shortcomings, real and/or imagined, maybe we can devote a scintilla of that energy to fixing things. We certainly have a target-rich environment to choose from, don't we? 

Today, since it is a holiday, is as good a reason as any either of us can think of as a reason and a fulcrum to move one another closer together in order to form a more perfect union. And stop being so damn cranky with each other while we're doing it.
-bill kenny