Saturday, August 29, 2009

Random Axe of Kindness

A colleague of long standing stopped by to visit earlier this week. She retired some years ago and we'd lost sight of one another. It was fun to catch up and probably happened much like your reminiscence sessions go, where you skip ahead and jump back then race on and stay behind. Sometimes the hardest part is remembering where the shared reference ends, so then you have to add details. If you were to transcribe that conversation I doubt there were more than five complete sentences uttered in the half hour-lots of quick references and brief glimpses and then moving on.

I was thinking about her, her husband (it's easy because we have the same name, so why doesn't everybody) and the cruise they're going on next month as I mentally juggled a number of other topics, nothing important (like my name and important would ever be used in the same breath, right?). The only thread of commonality all of these share is I had them in my head, so perhaps a good airing before use is called for.

I saw a man yesterday with a Mohawk haircut, but the part that wasn't in the Mohawk, was shaved to the naked scalp. He was wearing a three piece suit that probably cost twice what my car is worth. I cannot imagine what he does for a living to be able to do what he does for a living. He wasn't a young guy, either. I'm not real good at guessing ages, or weight for that matter, so that career as a Carney is out.

Actually he was closer to being my age and he looked as goofy as the guys with whom I didn't go to Woodstock together all look-you see 'em, too. They have long hair, gray and frayed and wispy, in a pony tail. Nothing sticks it to the man like a Volvo station wagon, Teva sandals and the green 'we recycle' grocery bag while shopping for tofu and bean sprouts. Fight the Power!

Here's somebody I'd like the 'man' to stick it to. The auto-American cretin who compensates for his car's driver's side headlamp being burned out by driving with his high beams on and not dimming them as you and he approach one another. Yeah, I remember what Driver Ed said: don't retaliate and turn yours on-it makes two blinded drivers but still.... My son gave me a great idea-I turn off all my lights which makes it a lot easier for Hi (no Lois) to see me behind the wheel as I visually suggest that he's my #1 special friend, but not in that way.

I also don't know what to do about the driver who goes up a one way street the wrong way, slowly because he certainly doesn't want to cause an accident, for a short distance, to pull into somebody's driveway, rather than go around the block. I love when he comes nose to nose with a car coming down the street the correct way and they glare at each other like Mr Upstream Salmon has any comeback at all. Or that guy's cousin, the driver who backs up a one way street the wrong way with the car flashers on, so I guess it doesn't count as much.

How many crumbs from the toaster tray do you suppose it takes to assemble an entire piece of bread, and can you toast that slice when you're done? I've told you I have a Facebook thing (account/page/I don't know what to call it). When I go here, why does it say "you must log in to see this page"? Don't they mean "you must log in to see the NEXT page" since I can see the log-in page just fine?

And help me out on this one-the Presidential elections are over, right? So why not take the bumper stickers off-and I mean ALL of them, not just the party who lost but the party who won as well. We hate those talking heads on our TV screens officiously opining about the ills of the nation and cringe when our elected Representatives blame one another for everything from the recession to Bill Buckner booting that grounder (and the cancellation of Paris and Nicole's The Simple Twits), and yet here we are, not remembering that sometimes a razor blade can be your friend, and not in that way (either).

But judging from the number of three-day growths I've seen lately, every bumper in America will soon be gleaming from sea to shining, or whining, sea. I can only assume we're working our way to buzz cutting those chickens in every pot, unless your diet calls for it the other way round.
-bill kenny

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