Michael and Tim, Beware!

Ordinarily, I might have gone with either adding last names, or just using last names, Jordan and Tebow, since who am I kidding, I don't know these guys so where do I get off calling them by their first names? Except they're both hawking underpants-MJ, between golf tournaments and helping Charlie Sheen do the math on Two and a Half Men while having a Three Dog Night sleepover and Tim Tebow, who had an endorsement deal with Jockey before he'd signed to play American Pro Football with the Denver Broncos. Nice to see today's young athletes have their priorities straight-Ben Rothlisberger could take a page from Timmy's book. Actually, maybe a whole library, other than law...

Pikers, all of them! You want to make your brand of unmentionables MY brand? Here's the way to hop on the viral marketing express and flatten all obstacles in your path (assuming, of course, you can see them. I'm guessing tighty-whiteys over boxers, unless she had infrared goggles and something tells this one didn't. From the look of that image from the video, I think not). Doesn't look like she had the drawers with the relaxed fit waistband so unless she was using super hold hair spray, some of the money probably went to the hairdresser afterwards. Are you wondering why the newspaper disabled reader comments? Yeah, me too, kinda ;-). Bet there were some references to the surrey with the fringe on top, in a manner of speaking.


Seriously. Holy sensory overload, Batman! The thief could have had her name and address crocheted on the seat of the undergarment (I refuse to even think about an alternate location) and no one would have remembered reading it. What I'm not clear about is where the woman placed the money she removed from the register. And did she have an accomplice, perhaps a getaway driver wearing a sock (wasn't there a movie that had a stumblebunny bad guy who wore panty-hose instead of a stocking?). I'd be almost alarmed that any of this could happen where the waving wheat sure smells sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain, but the state's abbreviation should be reassuring.


I'm already wondering if we'll see an upgrade in the FOTL TV campaign unless they intend to try to piggyback on this 'torn from the pages of Crime-Stoppers Textbook!' incident. I'm thinking maybe a tattoo for the Grape or, perhaps, some branding for the Apple. Mom's advice about clean underwear in case you have an accident is getting harder to follow if you don't know who's getting what in the endorsement deals. On the other hand, I've never understood how long after the accident she thought they'd stay clean.
-bill kenny