"With a word she can get what she came for"

Sitting in the Same Day Surgery waiting area at Norwich's William Backus Hospital (quite the talented family, I think what with Jim in the entertainment business and all) the other day as my daughter had her tonsils removed, I came across Golf Week, a magazine, it states on its own cover, "preferred by serious golfers."

I believe in the validity of Mark Twain's observation that 'golf is a good walk, ruined' but I am curious as to what magazine would be preferred by frivolous golfers, or dare I say (or type) it aloud, miniature golfers? And do folks who enjoy mini-golf have to wear the same kind of colorful garb as real 'serious' golfers, only as shorts? Those kind of things keep me up at night-such are the joys of having an empty life.

And, show of hands, can you visualize Tiger Woods trying to calculate the lie on the 14th hole with windmill turning in front of it? Why can't pro golf matches have ONE hole (just one, c'mon!) where such a thing happens-to give all of us at home something fun to watch.

On my way to work, I drove past the Professional Building in Franklin and wondered, and I imagine the chamber of commerce could help me out on this, if there's a separate building for the Semi-Pros or just a lean-to. In a perfect world, the semi-pros should be allowed to be housed in a semi-detached someplace, while us amateurs can live anywhere we want-though I wonder if a case can't be made for each of us being a professional in some field, avocation or endeavor.

We can discuss that topic right after we dispose of this new and improved beverage-but for the life of me I can't figure out which it is...new or improved. And should we use it to wash down a couple of these jumbo shrimp?
-bill kenny