Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Evils of The Great Outdoors

You have, I imagine, heard, seen or read something about the Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford and his power walk along the Appalachian Trail that ended in Argentina. Or perhaps in a woman by the name of Argentina. There was so much sniffling at the press conference I had trouble understanding him.

I did enjoy his explanation that 'it began innocently' which, I just put my polit-speak decoder ring on, means 'both people were fully clothed.' And then they went for a hike, I guess. Fresh air, flora and fauna, Ned Beatty, canoes, hot, monkey love. The National Park Service could be on to something here. Did someone just say Eric Weissberg? Earlier in his life, Governor Sanford worked as a guide on the Appalachian Trail and my notes say something about a G string, but I think that's in reference to a banjo (my ring just exploded so I'm not sure what that means).

Perhaps he and Senator John Ensign can organize a Philandering Meandering for Straying Spouses though I guess in the interests of propriety, men and women would not be permitted to hike or tent together. Perhaps Senator John Edwards could sponsor a merit badge or two, to include one on bi-partisanship and the person who collects the most badges during the hike could receive a Monica Lewinsky purse, for the ladies, or a cigar humidor for the men. (Or not.)

And Republicans were angry ten days ago when Letterman cracked wise about the family of one of their Governors? Yipes! He could dine out for months on this stuff, which will, in turn, spark spirited intellectual discussion and debate in that great American tradition that always end with shouts of 'your mother!' and descriptions of feats of gymnastic and anatomical derring-do. I suspect our Secretary of State still can't believe she doesn't have a dog in this hunt.

I'm starting to get a better appreciation of why more Republicans and even some Democrats regard Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh as Republican party leaders (okay, maybe NOT everybody). They've certainly done quite a job on the gender gap that's always supposed to be such a problem for the Grand Old Party. I'm wondering if Ann Coulter can't be persuaded to help out as well. Perhaps some cunning costuming, "look at those little shorts ... You can see all the way to Argentina." I smell a pay-per-view special that will be a hit from sea to shining shining sea and east and west of the pampas. 2012, here we come!
-bill kenny

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