Brand New Roller Skates Are Always Trumped by Baseball Bats

This is one of these 'torn from the headlines' items that, as the pretend adult I am, I'm supposed to counsel 'don't try this at home, kids!' except...it happened at home and it was kids. Aside from that, no resemblance to reality, implied or expressed is intended.

This is sort of Bob H's fault because he sent me the original item Thursday afternoon but I was so busy, I really didn't read it and it didn't sink in until Friday about the middle of the day. When it showed up in the New York Daily News, I was impressed: Teenagers mistakenly assault woman's sex partner after they mistook her screams of passion for cries. And people despair for the next generation!

I will very probably never meet Torrington Police Lt. Bruce Whiteley, but if anyone has Joe Friday down better, I'd sure like to meet them. In describing what had happened, this is his ENTIRE summation, "Swanson and Arnold had not been fighting." Yeah, once you've read the article, that conclusion just jumps out at you. And the comments offered by readers, as ungrammatical and borderline illiterate as they are, in their own way are as funny as the story itself.

I think the young Mr. Roger Swanson should be very grateful he hadn't planned on a day-night doubleheader. And whoever said 'safe at home' has certainly never been a gentleman caller of Ms. Melanie Arnold's.
-bill kenny

PS: If you wondered why I hadn't mentioned the Connecticut Second District TEA (Taxed Enough Already) Party on Norwich's Chelsea Parade today, wonder no more.