Breakfast of Champions

Drove behind someone on our way to work yesterday with a car held together with dirt and bumper stickers. All of us at some point have owned one of those babies-mine (I started to type 'my first' and decided one can share too much) was a 1962 Corvair Monza whose rear bumper I covered with every manner of Ralph Nader sticker (early seventies chic; take my word for it). Oh how we laughed in The Lounge Lizard Lair at how sublimely funny I was. Talk about too hip for the room? Sister, I was a witness.

Anyway, there was one of those 'my dog is smarter than your honor roll kid' paired with a 'I'm surrounded by idiots!' one that always seems like a much better idea BEFORE you put it on the car, at least to me. I'm always afraid one of the 'idiots' surrounding me will take exception and while we're stopped at a traffic light beat the Nova Scotia out of me while all the other 'idiots' watch.

The sticker that caught my attention was one of the AI ones-almost interactive. That is, it asks a question in really large letters and in really small ones, answers it. This one demanded to know "WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?" paired with "a big heaping helping of stupid flakes?"

I like the cadence of 'heaping helping.' I make my living with words (explains my cars, come to think of it and my shoes) and a turn of phrase like that makes me smile. That the driver then flooded the engine as he went to clutch and accelerate after he'd slowed down and was waved through, really tickled my funny bone. Schadenfreude ist auch ein freude.

Then I stumble across a news item that was one of the 'most read' said the newspaper's website, on how "Spaghetti Os Sparked Alleged Samurai Sword Fight." The neat, little treat you can eat with a spoon did what? Yeah, that did sound familiar didn't it? Youbetcha-Barry Manilow in his road dirt and bumper sticker era, no doubt. Should either of us point out, at least as far as the news story goes only one person had a samurai sword and was going after the other? It wasn't like there was an fight going on in that kitchen (and was it the Spaghetti Os with Meatballs or the classic original).

We both suspect it so let's get it out there now, there will probably be NO follow-up story when John Cahan actually goes to trial. I join you in the sincere belief that the wheels of justice will turn as they should. I'm hoping it's going to come true, but there's not a lot I can do. Lemme get you some milk for that sad little cereal bowl of yours, my breakfast buckaroo.

-bill kenny