I'm not looking for sympathy--if you are, the easiest place to find it is in the dictionary, between shit and syphilis. Go ahead and check I'll wait right here. Feel better now? Yeah, didn't think so-me neither. And don't feel sorry for me, I do an excellent job of that all by myself and, besides, I'm very competitive. Save your sorries for yourself-you'll need them soon enough.
A lot of us are going through the motions right now and I suspect it has to do, at least a little bit, with the weather we've been having (which works if you're in Boston or Philly but not so much in San Diego or Honolulu) and in my case some personal head noise I could and should have managed better.
As the years have passed, and in my semi-paranoia seem to now be rushing by, there are things I've left undone because I thought I'd 'get around to them.' I'm not the happiest camper at the jamboree to concede that more and more, less and less of what's been left undone is going to undergo a status change. That I'm not the only one to appreciate my leave-taking will create a hole about the same as a fist pulled out of a bucket of water is rather small solace as the remains of the day scatter across the horizon.
I surrendered The Big Picture effort because I'm small-minded and now that the miniatures are proving too hard to accomplish as well I'm starting to look around for the exit to the place I was before, knowing I won't make it back to there, either.
Don't know about you but I really need Spring to get here now. Despite the eight inches of frozen snow beyond my front porch I'm scouting for shoots of new grass and the first one I see I'm gonna grab with both hands and pull so hard that the earth itself will give unto me a verdant field and still I will demand even more. I'm not saying I'm sorry, unless I'm captured or cornered and it doesn't look like either is happening today.
-bill kenny
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