359.1 Miles (definitely NOT Davis)

If you stopped by today looking for some cheery and cheerfully inspirational words as we inaugurate the 45th President of the United States about how we should roll up our sleeves and all move forward together, you will need to look elsewhere. Do it now, don't dally. What follows may not be what you were seeking. Life is funny that way.  

Big(ly) doings today in our nation's capital, appropriately enough at the Capitol Building as the Presidency of the United States, in a miracle of democracy and peaceful transition of power, passes from Barack H. Obama to Donald J Trump.

If you've visited this space at almost any moment for the last nearing a decade or so, you are more than aware that the President-Elect and I are like this (and you can guess which of those two fingers I regard him as being). It's unrequited animus as he would say "who?" in response to my name. That's actually more than fair and #ThanksDonald.

You are free to think me as an ill-mannered cur with my lack of respect for the man, but I would argue it's just my war on political correctness as I put a normal-sized finger of my regular-sized hand on the Cosmic Scale to counter-balance someone who left no one behind in a hateful campaign of conceit, contempt, injury and insult in pursuit of the office of President.

I am somewhat surprised the inauguration wasn't conducted exclusively on Twitter. I'm not a mathlete but the amount of characters permitted in a single tweet is probably double or more the total amount found in the entirety of his Cabinet nominees. Too harsh? Gee, I'm sorry; no, actually I'm not. 

If I hold my breath waiting on those long-promised income tax returns and medical records of the new Birther-in-Chief, I'd be as blue as his suit (you thought I was gonna take a shot at Nugent's anatomy? I just did. And all the campaign chatter was about small hands? Speaking of which...).

The party of Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt thinks we should now unite behind a man who accepts as fact the meandering mutterings of Alex Jones and his ilk and who has created a parallel universe in which situational ethics is the New Normal and Truth and Honesty are always lowercase nouns and relative concepts. I think I'll take a pass on all of that. 

For the sake of comity and not without some comedic value, I will say 'thank you for the kindness of that offer.' It's not you, it's me. I'm not a poor loser but I will concede nothing to this man, ever. And as you've probably guessed, I'm gonna stay this way for a helluva long time. 

Speaking of hell, @realDonaldTrump, I already have my ice skates on and despite your insistence that climate change is a Chinese hoax, all I can say is puck you.

-bill kenny