Concrete Middle Fingers

Not to make you nervous or feel threatened, but I'm contemplating announcing the formation of my own religion this afternoon assuming it's a slow news day. I think the timing is right on this one. This is the church and this is the steeple. Open the door and see all the people. Where do they all come from?

My marketing folks are thisclose to finalizing arrangements to name peyote and licorice whips our religious drugs of choice (if the endorsement deal with Coca-Cola falls through) and intend to construct a backyard pool for baptisms and the occasional walk on water. I may be seeking donations to construct a video display screen for those, believers and non-believers, who pass by in the front yard, but more on that later during the sermon.

In fairness, as it is budget season across CT and here in Norwich, CT I should tell you I will expect a property tax refund, of course, for the religious exemption and please don't be surprised if small animals, stuffed and otherwise, end up on the altar of placation I'm putting on the sun porch, well, after I build one. Anything you'd like me to pray for while I'm sacrificing a squirrel? Just shout it out, but I ain't no Hollaback Girl, er, minister. When you sup with the devil, you need to have a long spoon. I carry my own.

57 channels and nothing on. Still. Weapons of Mass Distraction. Beyonce's possible baby bump wipes actual news off the front page. Just as well. We can't tell one another the names of the members of our Congressional delegation (and we have a small state; what about California?) but most can get at least two of the Three Stooges right. Mom is so proud. Except Mom is busy playing Grand Theft Auto, San Andreas meets Baghdad-where you get points for shooting pimps and cops. Somehow our kids know none of this is real-what they don't know is how much is surreal. Not forgetting Kay E double L oh Double Good, which is cereal.
-bill kenny