Did you watch the Opening Ceremonies of Whatever Olympiad with Lots of Roman Numerals It Is this Summer the other night? I don't mean to disparage the use of Roman numerals but as a preppie who had to slog through Caesar and Cicero and Ovid, come to think of it (and why do all three sound like cat names? What the heck is going on here?) I always appreciated what Latin did for my college vocab scores on the SATs, but unlike driver's ed that, had I taken it and done well, might have gotten me laid, no such turn of events resulted from success in the Romance languages department (like Latin lovers on the shore; chasing all those silly NY virgins by the score).
I have no idea, in light of the viaducts and the Colosseum and Hadrian's Wall, and all the calculations and science their construction entailed, how the Romans did any math with their system. "Add the M to the C and carry the V-decimal to the I and to the right of the X.' What? Their slide rules must have looked like dictionaries.
Anyway, since the Visigoths, not my problem, I guess. But here we are with technology that brings us events from around the world, live, and hardly filtered at all (the People's Republic of China has elevated abrogation of human rights to an art form-if it were an event at this summer's Olympiad, all the medals would be given to the government in Beijing who, being consistent, would then take the recipients out back and (if they were lucky) only re-educate them) but we'll hear nary a whisper about any of this until the Coca-Cola logo rolls after the last credit in about two weeks' time. We've long since learned to manage the duality of hypocrisy here in the Western World. Just guess where my shoes, and tie and shirt and trousers are made? See, that didn't hurt a bit, did it?
In 1936 the world competed in Berlin (Leni Riefenstahl lasst grussen) and closed our eyes to the Nazis and what they were doing to their own citizens of the Jewish faith. In 1980, to protest the murderous staff-assistance visit the Red Army had made into Afghanistan, the US and sixty-four other countries boycotted the Games in Moscow and the Soviet Union and fourteen of its client-allies returned the favor when the Games came to Los Angeles in 1984 (of course, they may have seen the traffic on Santa Monica Boulevard and decided the old Lada and Ziv weren't going to be any match). In between all of that, we had the murder at the Munich, (West) Germany Summer Games in 1972 of Israeli athletes by thugs. But the Olympics are a time to celebrate athletic endeavor, achievement and accomplishment.
I'm not sure two person beach volleyball was one of the original events the Greeks came up with, but it gives me a chance to watch glistening women sprawl out on the sand and not have to be on one of the dot porn websites, so I guess it's as valid in its way as curling is during the winter games. Baseball, I'm told, is out, again and I'm not sure horseshoes was in, is back in or was ever seriously considered but if badminton is a go, I say why not sack races? How about one each of those sweaty beach guys and gals hopping along the Great Wall? Winner gets a trip to Tiananmen Square. No worries, a few more years, we'll make it a brand name, like "Banana Republic" or the "United Colors of Benetton".
Kidding aside (you: 'oh, that's what that was?' Very cold), I enjoy the effort even when I've never heard of or understand the sport. I think it's marvelous that people can train in pursuit of so many endeavors that 'commercial' sports combines cannot market for profit. That so many people perfect art forms that have zero financial return is heartening to me as an armchair athlete who yearns for the big self-sacrificing gesture as long as I don't have to make it and none of it gets on me (why do you think I wanted you to guess where this tie came from? We already know who each of us are, we're just trying to figure out the going rate). If you can't enjoy the sports or the sacrifice of those competing in them, admire the technology and delivery systems that bring it all to us like potable tap water, all day every day. Wade in the water, take me to the river.
Streets full of people, all alone. Roads full of houses, never home. Church full of singing, out of tune. Everyone's gone to the moon.
-bill kenny
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