Maryanne with the Shaky Hands meets Pictures of Lily

I cannot make up a story like this one. It's from an authoritative source-after all, the Vice President of these United States is an avid viewer, if not provider.

No one whom any of us know will ever admit to having an idea as to who Jenna Jameson is, or to having any familiarity with, or knowledge of, her body of work (nudge, nudge/wink, wink). In less than 0.06 seconds (the amount of time in which Michael Phelps won an entire gold medal), the mighty search engines at Google produced 15,500,000 results for her name. Ah, to be alive in this technologically advanced time when such data is only a mouse click away.....

I know, you're frowning. And you have reason to frown-with the convergence of technological tools and the bodies of knowledge we have across the globe, you'd assume we'd have eliminated hunger, poverty, oppression, disease, ethnic animosity, marshmallow fluff (sorry-I have always hated that stuff and this is my list, so on it goes) and all other maladies and mischief that plague us.

Instead we have blogs, talk radio, email with eleven kajillion forwards before finally getting to the picture of a cartoon mouse giving a cartoon eagle the rigid middle digit, a never ending stream of jokes flying across the atmosphere and amateur porn, without the raincoats and the sticky cinema floors. It's a hard life when you're the Crown of Creation (et tu, Gracie, Paul and Marty?). When you have opposable thumbs and the intelligence to build weapons of mass destruction that can wipe us off the planet, what do you do for a second act?

That Jenna Jameson shows up on Fox News isn't news in or of itself. Her pregnancy is news because she is a public figure and we love this kind of stuff (the only thing bigger than the marriage of Prince Charles and Lady Diana was the coverage of her death and the years of investigation that followed it. Even here, in the USA, where we fought a war to NOT be under the British crown, we hung breathlessly on every word of every report.).

My favorite line in the news story begins "But the devout Catholic...." adding a whole new dimension to the phrase, 'Blessed is He Who Comes in the Name of the Lord'. I assume there's a generation of all-American young men with hairy palms and poor vision who would be stunned at the diversity of people traveling to Damascus who've had amazing encounters. I strongly encourage the use of one of the mapping engines or on-line travel agencies, just not the one with the gnome, because (and apologies for the awful pun) there's no place like gnome.

As Peter Townsend wrote, and Roger Daltrey sang, 'guys come from every city' and people like Jenna are staples of a thousand fantasies. Speaking of staples, once they're removed, more often than not, she finds herself facing the same fate as Lily; which is only marginally better than being "Das Madchen unter der laterne".
-bill kenny