Will Work for Krill

In case, so far, the tightening of belts and the swapping of recipes for stone soup, haven't been activities at your house, how about this news story, "Cash-strapped Bronx Zoo Lays Off Animals" which showed up at mid-morning in yesterday's online edition of The Day (cynic that I am, I imagine it's somewhere in today's edition of the other daily New London County newspaper whose real name I shan't use, but is often called The Day (After)). Which is ironic since it first surfaced as a news item in the dead of winter (which, weather-wise around here could be mean 'earlier this week').

"Cash-strapped zoo officials told a New York City Council committee that they need to send away deer, bats, foxes, antelopes and other creatures to zoos around the country. Officials say they're also closing four exhibits to close a $15 million budget shortfall." The question being begged in the story is exactly where is the AWAY to which the zoo officials need to send animals? The story goes on to add, in addition to the right-sized species listed above, "(t)he exhibits that are closing include World of Darkness, which includes bats, porcupines and primates including night monkeys."

A couple of points. 'World of Darkness'?!? Did the Bronx Zoo hire a Goth to design exhibits and should we brace for a World of Thug and/or a World of Poser exhibit as well? Do we really want our children to watch Smoochy or Rainbow Randall 'represent' or a three-toed sloth party with Paris Hilton? And how many all night organ grinders are there, in the Bronx or the other four boroughs of New York City, for whom those laid-off 'night monkeys' can work? And is that straight shift or time and a half?

It's NOT funny of course. It's the tip of an iceberg upon which we all sit (reference to polar bear very intentional; no one is talking about sending away a polar bear); it's a symptom of the sickness and not the fiscal disease itself, though I'm unsure if the "South American relative of the llama" (why not write camelids, the actual name? No one uses 'a fruit very much like an orange but also different' to describe an apple) can grasp the nuance of a lay-off notice. Questions like tenure also come to mind. Do animals who've been right-sized get medical benefits while between positions? After how many years 'on the staff', so to speak, and is all of that pro-rated or still subject to negotiations with a union?

I'm thinking about the squirrels I feed from my office window. Should I tell them about the Bronx Zoo lay-offs? They're very greedy and fight with one another over the random peanut. What if they have to square off with a porcupine or a bat, not known for their 'get along and go along' attitudes in the best of times, after they get their pink slips and relocate here? Retraining is out of the question, I suspect. And meanwhile my wife and daughter are on a Cape Anne whale watch today. Michelle was joking, I hope, about taking a couple of small baggies 'just in case.' I've been looking at our household budget and don't think we can keep anyone connected with Moby Dick on the payroll for more than eighteen hours a week. As for Ahab, call him Unemployed.
-bill kenny