Not exactly the Plain and Tall Variety

I read the news accounts on line Tuesday about the next (lucrative, I'm sure) career for a former part-time KTUU-TV sportscaster, who went on to bigger, if not better, things, as the former governor of Alaska and vice-presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, is signing on as a Fox News commentator (did you just sigh, 'as if there were anything else on that channel'?). According to the LA Times article, "(s)he is one of the most talked about and politically polarizing figures in the country," said Bill Shine, the network's executive vice president of programming (who is point man for the network on this hiring, because someone had to be). And who among us can blame any of the 24/7 chatter channels for going with the big name? Put your hand down. Don't you know a rhetorical question when you read one? Or two?

American television is driven by advertising rates and the trick is to create programming that attracts the most eyeballs in the belief that the rest of the body follows. Those programs then deliver these consumers to those selling goods, services or ideas. And the halls echo with the sound of salesmen. In a perfect world, Masterpiece Theater would be the most watched program on the box of many colors (all in high-def). I would settle for Mystery Science Theatre 3000, but the perfect world is a few more miles down an Interstate that we'll never build, so can we interest you, instead, in a show where people eat worms for money? A nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse (sorry, Bentley! Easy, big fella).

I hasten to point out, even though it's called Fox NEWS Channel, the big viewer draw, as it is for both CNN and MSNBC, are the OO's (opinionated oafs), the boys and girls, impeccably dressed and perfectly coiffed, who offer opinions in dogmatic tones of voice because, through intellectual alchemy, that will automatically change them into facts. I'm teasing of course; put the torch down. Freedom of choice includes watching what you want when you want on TV. Think Charlton Heston, with a remote. The large dollars are going to commentators, or as they are called now, analysts (another word starting with "A" is often as accurate, but that's a blog for another time) which, in fairness, covers a lot of ground, be it steak or chuck. And your analysts need to have a profile, and let's face it, everyone knows, or thinks they do, Sarah Palin.

Her book has been wildly successful, as have her public appearances and even after leaving the Governor's mansion in Anchorage, she's been making political headlines. Her widely-reported assertion on Facebook this past summer (as the debate on health care reached a boil in Washington, D. C.) about how "death panels" would determine if seniors and disabled deserved healthcare was voted the biggest political lie of the year by readers of Politifact.com, a nonpartisan fact-checking site run by the St. Petersburg Times. Considering all the things that were said this last year, that is quite an achievement, I guess. Ms. Palin's future boss, Mr. Shine, said he wasn't concerned she'd make false assertions on the air. I guess FNC is big enough to have a separate division to handle 'concern', but I'm reassured, almost, when he offers, "(a)long the way, we'll talk to her and have conversations and I'm sure everything will be fine." As the lady, herself, might say, okie-doke, Mr. Shine. I think our TV viewing is about to get a whole lot more interesting. You might want to pull the chips and dip even closer, buddy. Didja want something cold out of the fridge? I'm already up.
-bill kenny