All's Well that Ends.....

Any time I'm accused of being a cynic (and you may not be shocked to learn that it has happened), all I have to do is open a newspaper, catch a news vignette on the electric fire or grab an RSS feed from any outpost in the global village and I look and feel like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm (I told you I had been in the military right? Don't act so surprised).

There's been talk in recent days about a college quarterback who may/may not have taken money to join a particular university program and that's just the most recent iceberg on the glacier that is filthy lucre and professional amateur sports as operated by your alma mater, or alma pater since I am not a sexist. Yesterday afternoon seemed like something out of Where in the World is Carmen San Diego, except if they made that a sport, nobody would be interested unless it was a Title IX program.

The folks who write Carmen's lyrics may want to replace Berlin with "Fort Worth, Texas" (the meter is off, but kids these days don't care about that) as Texas Christian University is the newest member of the (waitforit) Big East 'in all sports' according to the press release (because swimming really draws the big bucks and good news! you don't have to shower after being in the pool).

I'm not as excited as I'll be when Villanova takes the football plunge though I'm sure PETA is salivating at the opportunities when the Wildcats and Horned Frogs tangle. The Big East used to have Eagles from Boston College, Sebastian the Ibis from Miami and Hokies from Blacksburg, Virginia, though all three went to where the fields were greener and the sponsorship dollars were bigger. How hard will it be to keep a straight face if Boise State's Buster Bronco shows up behind the podium at a press conference? As if anyone would notice.....

And if you think alumni are revved up now, wait until they see who the Rutgers Scarlet Knights have signed to run their School of Communication, Information and Library Studies. The Red Storm of St John's is tired of being a one-dimensional 'basketball school' and is talking some serious smack about the dollars they're spending to sign muscle for their Peter J. Tobin College of Business. "Business means more than numbers," says Elizabeth Stylaniou, Class of '10, who hasn't made an open field tackle in her life.

Let's face it most world events right now look like they're being managed by brain-dead frat boys, may as well as make sure we're breeding the genuine article. College is over-rated anyway. Just need to be able to count to seven. Well, or maybe eight if we go for two. "Good things are coming if we stick to the plan. Keep your finger on the trigger and stick to the plan." It's up and it's good!

-bill kenny