Not Exactly Free Bird

Even though I missed it completely in its first incarnation, I couldn't help but perk up my ears (okay, actually I arched my eyebrows but what's the point of majoring in Metaphors while studying at English for Runaways University if you don't mangle a dangling participle or two while obfuscating your tenuous premise upon which you presumed to build a blog entry?) when reading of the probable, dare I say inevitable, return of Flappy Bird.

As I discovered yesterday to my profound chagrin, I don't actually know how to use the phone part of my smart phone (mine was kept back a year in Smart Phone School I suspect) so playing games is in a universe far, far away from my abilities and interests.

To be honest and feeling a little unclean as I point this out, I read someplace (else on the Interweb) that we put a man on the moon and brought him back safely with less computer power in all of NASA than any of us have in our cell phones, today.

I don't pretend to speak for you but suspect your mileage doesn't vary that much, but I use mine to listen to music, take pictures of things I'm eating, or not eating as it turns out, and looking at other people's pictures of food and grumpy cats.

Of course, in the hands of a professional, those 140 character tweets can be strung together to approximate the counterpoint and repartee at a session of the Algonquin Round Table, minus the table and probably also lacking any one named Al, though not Paul.

And just look at the thumbs we have built up from all this gaming and texting. The only muscles in my body even close to being toned are the ones that enable me to text my wife to ask 'What are we having for dinner?'

And yes, I'm a dinosaur so I spell out ALL the words and use punctuation, often coming up with words my phone hates and changes to other, different, and frightening words that were never my intent and which provoke reactions that quickly overtake my pedestrian concerns about dinner, leading me to conclude 'never bring a smart phone to a knife fight.'

And if you're dueling with the World's Most Interesting Man memes at ten paces, you can bring an extra flappy bird, at no charge.
-bill kenny