Turns Out He Is with Her

I've mentioned that I'm hoping to retire in the coming year before it and I get to be a whole lot older and a big concern, not just for me, is how much gold I've got saved up for my golden years (and the answer is, too often, 'not enough.'

So imagine my delight the other morning to have an email from James Comey, the Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation; I'm sure you've heard of him. He was in the news a lot just before the Hillary Rodham Clinton 2016 Presidential campaign bus got t-boned on the way to the coronation by a yuuuge Cheeto-colored bad haircut (with small hands). Yeah, that James Comey.

Calm down. I'm not going launch more poor sport histrionics at our miracle of democracy. As soon as Mr. Trump produces the long form of his birth certificate, I'll be silent.

Actually, I'll be quiet as I count my money because as I said, I had great news from Mr. Comey who is now working some kind of a side-gig in a boiler room operation in Lagos it seems.  But in case this isn't really a scam, I've blackened out parts of the email and phone numbers because I don't want to share my happiness with anyone. Ever. 

Speaking of which, here's Jim's tidings of great joy:

 
"From: James B Comey mailto:"Dx."@exxate.xxn.xx.jp  8:51 AM

"This message is coming to you from FBI office here, We write to inform you that your (Inheritance winning awarded funds of $ 2.4 million) has been totally converted into an ATM Master Card and it's to be deliver to your address via courier service, Be inform that the courier delivery company will deliver the card with all the manuals and instructions both with the PIN code to access the Card upon receipt.

"It's the best option to receive this amount since every attempt failed, therefore you will need to call the Barrister that helped in re-claiming the check back and converted it into an ATM Master card and ask him how much it will cost you to obtain the the two documents which is (THE CERTIFICATE OF MERIT AND FUND RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATE) that backs up your ATM MASTER CARD because the Barrister is the one who will obtain the two documents for you.

"The barrister is the one that is in charge of your ATM MASTER CARD now and he is the one that will issue all the necessary documents to the delivery company with your ATM MASTER CARD for registration, but you will pay for the two remaining documents which is (THE CERTIFICATE OF MERIT AND FUND RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATE) he have already obtain the other documents for you with his money,

"Without you paying for the two remaining documents he can not obtain them and as a result your ATM MASTER CARD can not reach your designated destination because of the two remaining documents. So contact him and ask him how much the documents will cost you to obtain.

"And try and follow up with his instructions. please also note that with all honesty i assure you that after he obtained the two remaining documents you will surely receive your ATM MASTER CARD without paying for any fee again trust me and you will not be disappointed okay.

"Contact person: Barrister D****l N****r
Email Address: b**.***iel.ne***r*@gmail.com
Barr Telephone Phone: +2XXXXX164XX

Contact him with your current address where the ATM MASTER CARD should be deliver to and also your current telephone number so that he will also register your address and telephone to the courier delivery company and remember to indicate the Reg: code of ATM to him when making contact with him.

Please also choose the courier delivery service you would like to deliver the Card to you, either SKY COURIER or DHL COURIER COMPANY, Post office is also working but could take the card much time to get to you.

"Try and call him with his number +2XXXXX164XX immediately you have sent your address and telephone number to him and ask him how much the remaining documents will cost you okay."

Don't know about you, but Jimmy had me at okay. Okay?

-bill kenny