It's Never Eaten as Hot as It's Served

Came across another listing of foods that help you lose weight (through a process that has your body use up more calories processing the food than the food, itself, has in it).

We've all seen these lists. Every so often someone invents a new name for them and voila, we have The Blah-Blah Diet as a book for only $29.95 (plus processing and handling) complete with an infomercial with folks who look vaguely familiar sitting on a couch, telling each other stories about their own amazing weight losses and taking turns staring in wide-eyed incredulity at somebody else's 'true story’ of weight loss.

"Gee Buzz, your colon is so clean you can pass a car through it!" exclaims Mitzi, who looks like one of the people who used to be on Three's Company. Not one of the original members, of course, but one of the replacements after the show started into its ratings decline and burned up on reentry. And Buzz who may or may not have been in Encino Man with Pauly Shore tells us all about it.

The food lists are basically all the same--just a slight variation of what Mom told us to eat and what not to eat. There's never a lot of chocolate eclairs on these lists of fat-burning foods and I've often wondered why is it that the Good Lord who moves in mysterious ways His wonders to perform, didn't just make the stuff that's good for us taste better. I’d point out apples taste good and are good for you, but I’ve been asked by theologians to not use that example.

So, here’s another: I know broccoli is a lot better for me than a hot sausage with peppers and onions sandwich, but guess which one tastes better? Maybe someone could hire the International Flavors and Fragrances folks to work on solutions for that problem. You know, trust the science; after all, it gave us Tang, a product to my knowledge not found in nature and which became famous as the beverage of choice for the early astronauts.

Actually, the important part and this is as true of just about any list or compilation of what to eat and not to eat that I've ever seen, is I don't care how good something is for me; if I don't like the taste or sight, or smell or sometimes even the name, I'm not having anything to do with it. I almost ate calamari once, but I would never knowingly eat octopus, and don’t get me started on menu items like mountain oysters.

Knowledge is power. Given enough correct information, we’d all make better choices as to what we eat, wear, drive, etc.; at least in theory we would. But even when, not if, I know better, I still make bad choices more often than I’d like to admit and then I waste time and energy rationalizing and defending those poor choices while attempting to repair or at least remediate the damage those poor choices contributed to.

And that guilt very nearly spoils my enjoyment of that hot pastrami sandwich my doctor told me to not have. Hey! You’ve got a little dab of mustard on the corner of your lip. Use a napkin, not your shirt-sleeve.
-bill kenny