What Scares Me Most Is Losing You

I wonder, in light of the journey so far, if he who travels fastest misses the entire point of the sojourn when he has no one with whom to share it. As someone who was very much, and for a very long, unlovable, this is a day of major import and minor miracle for me all at the same time. I'm celebrating my forty-eighth Valentine's Day with the love of my life, Sigrid.

I look at photos of my wife and me back when we were fab and she was, as she still is, beautiful to me. It took zero intelligence to fall in love with her at first sight and something far rarer than intelligence to help us stay in love all these years later. I do find myself looking at her, then and now, and wondering if she still sees me as I was or as I am now, and if the latter, why does she stay?

We have, she and I, grown old together which causes me to smile as I had nothing nearly so grand in mind when I first saw her. Some who knew me back before the day would be amazed that she kept me nailed to one place long enough for all those years to have become all these years, and to some degree, I echo their amazement. 

We share a life that isn't and will never be the one I thought I wanted when I believed things worked out the way we desired (if we only wanted something bad enough). But when I reach the end of every day, including today, I look at her and at our two adult children, Patrick and Michelle, and know that I love and am loved by them and can't complain about some settling of the contents during shipment. Happy Valentine's Day.

-bill kenny