Liquid Acrobat as regards the air

Staying home rehabbing my left knee from a Total Knee Replacement, I can watch television during the day that normally my bosses would frown upon. I can also catch a lot more of the public affairs programming offered by CT-N of hearings and other aspects of state governance, often live as they happen in Hartford.

Thursday afternoon was a little surreal as there was a live hearing by (I believe) the CT Joint Banking Committee (members of both houses) into the AIG (because they're based in Wilton, Connecticut as I understand the story) 'bonus boondoogle' (I'm using that term in case small children are stopping by today and I don't want you to have to explain what, precisely, one of the more colorful terms being offered aloud in recent days, really means).

As I understood the news accounts, the Committee issued invitations to the top fourteen executives in the AIG food chain to sit with them Thursday afternoon and walk everyone through, from beginning to end, on the rationale and timing of the requisite bonus payments that AIG, citing CT law earlier in the week, had explained it had disbursed from part of the Federal Stimulus Package I call Unk's Handout.

Neither I nor my evil twin Skippy was surprised to discover exactly NONE of those AIG executives were available Thursday afternoon. Instead, one of the Senior VP of HR (sort of a higher up in charge of personnel, I think) was made available along with an attorney from a firm retained by AIG to assist in the gathering and dissemination of information. From my couch in Norwich, it looked like his role was to keep any information from being gathered at all.

I watched about an hour of the hearings, which I think meant I saw three different elected officials ask questions (the last of the three was from Groton, I think, and her hair style looked like something Edward Scissorshand might have attempted after one brandy too many. She seemed to have a giant bird's nest on her head, and knew it, as most of her questions were repeats of the earlier folks who got close to nowhere when first asked). I think the first question to the HRVP had to do with how AIG FP (Financial Products, I think) generated income and the answer was something like 'they sell financial derivatives'.

I didn't find this especially helpful or illuminating as answers go and neither did the State Rep who'd asked the question. In the ensuing ten minutes which seemed to come down to 'oh yeah, you're a personnel guy--how would you know? Would you tell me the name of one of the people in your company who would?' the Rep and the lawyer took turns reading from threatening email sent to the CEO (I think) of AIG sounding angry and aggrieved at having the writer's life savings evaporate and the attorney seeking to shield all the AIG leadership from such threats.

Oh, did I mention the AIG fellow who did attend had only started in Human Resources in September 2008, so not only did he not know anything about any aspect of the AIG bonus and retention policy (for him it was all in place and hearsay), he knew hardly anything about anything. He was, to give credit where credit is due, very polite with a nice smile and a thoughtful look at all times, except when the lawyer seated to his left was telling the committee that the Mouse Police Never Sleeps and (without actually mentioning your name or mine) suggesting either of us might know more about AIG than did his client (he must've meant you).

I have no idea if the AIG HRVP received a bonus, but based on yesterday's performance, he certainly earned one. And while I watched the Kabuki Theatre that is the miracle of democracy unfolding in my glotzkiste, I keep thinking about the Norwich YMCA, part of the city for 125 years, announcing it will go out of business forever in April. The money needed to keep it solvent being about one tenth of one percent of the bonuses and retention incentives that AIG expended less than ninety days earlier to retain talent in their critical leadership positions. I marveled, again, at the joys of the free market, even when it's not so free.
-bill kenny