Running Towards and Running Away depends on the object

I started this as a pep talk for someone who is a member of my family and very important to me though I get tongue-tied when trying to articulate the specifics of the mechanics of that. He has known me his whole life, which is terribly unfair, I know, but birth order does that to you. Almost from the time I can remember him coming home from the hospital, he has used his eyes and mouth in exactly the same proportion that he has them in his head, and I think it's stood him in good stead. He's always been quietly confident, not arrogant or brash or self aggrandizing-if he tells you an ant can pull a boxcar, don't argue with him, just hitch the insect up.

Some time back, as humans are wont to do, there developed an attraction from beyond his routine and he decided to see where it led. I'm not a very good person to talk about embracing change, though with a couple of decades' advantage, you'd think I might be a cheerleader for it. I'm a guy who puts his paper money in his wallet from lowest to highest denomination, and in the correct serial number order. I don't care how long the line gets--it's how I impose order on the universe and if you want to call me anal, feel free. I tend to count aloud, so I probably won't hear you.

I've told people 'the difference between a rut and a grave is the depth of the habit' and while I'm sure I stole that from someplace, I haven't yet figured out either from where or from whom. Since the last time I had an original idea it died of loneliness, I'm sure someone, somewhere, is missing the credit. My apologies; just put your hand up and I'll eventually hyperlink to you.

I've spent a lot time thinking about what I can say to help him regain his equilibrium (because the first born is often the Catcher in the Rye) and realized, reading him everyday, he is sorting this out for himself--trying on the faces in the gallery, if you will, in search of the one to get him to where he needs to go. I've ranted so often about Captain Yossarian in Catch-22, "John" was his first name, did you ever realize that? And it turns out, a fictitious character is my source of insight to offer a fellow-traveler. His Snowden to my Yo-Yo? Not sure, it could be all a dream. "It depends on the dream." "It depends on the fish.''
-bill kenny