Saturday, June 5, 2010

Sympathy for the Devil's Advocate

I'm fascinated in reading some of the social networks by how many 'Let's Slap BP and While We're at it All the Other Oil Companies' fan groups and their ilk have popped up. It seems to me waaay too many of us prefer talking about doing something to actually doing something. And in this case, we've decided that since all ducks are birds, all birds must be ducks. And, before you get cranky I AM NOT downplaying the destruction caused by the incompetence, arrogance, avarice, sloth and who knows how many other of the deadly sins that have created the BP Gulf Oil Spill.'s not just BP and/or the oil industry (multi-national, poly bendable, super attenuated, hyphenated and poly-unsaturated). When I last went car shopping, do you know how many vehicles, similar to what I bought, got better fuel economy? It's a trick question-and not because I didn't tell you what I bought, but because I don't know (either). I didn't ask-because I didn't care. I 'knew' the vehicle got decent mileage and that was fine. I cared more about the leather seats than I did about the hydrocarbon emissions and hand on your heart so, too, do you.

All this offshore drilling-do any of our Facebook friends clicking the 'like' button on the "BP Eats Bugs, So There!" Fan page really think the fishes of the sea or the waterfowl use any of the oil? If we were to be as honest with one another as we say we are (and we lie something awful, don't we?), we'd do away with nozzles at the gas pumps, and replace them with HUGE gauge syringes and IV bags to mainline the oil, diesel, kerosene and gasoline, because our appetite for 'the stuff' remains unsated. For every hybrid car sold, there are sales of TEN V-8 models (for all I know; I'm in rant mode. Do I look like I have time to research facts?).

It's not a desire for public service that has those platforms and rigs ringing the coastlines and/or those derricks raping the landscape around the globe, it's cold, hard commerce, coin of the realm. If it didn't pay, it wouldn't happen. The Oilies sell as much of it as they can pull from the earth, and thirty-five years after millions of us stood in lines on odd and even numbered days to buy gas, we are more dependent on the same folks who cut us off back then than ever before.

Yeah, we all want wind, solar and other alternative energy, unless it costs more than our current fossil fuel fix, or involves changing in any way how we live. That's why Facebook Friends are so great! I just click on the 'like' button and my soul is cleansed. Sorry about the gulls, and it's too bad that all those coastal animals in the marshland eco-systems are being destroyed. Dude, that's so sad I can't bear to watch very much of it on the TV news anymore, though come to think of it, E! doesn't do a whole lot of that kind of news in the first place. Pity we can't cover Kim K in other than tanning oil, eh?

If only we could get to the source of the greed, go deep beneath the waves and cap the rapacious gluttony that has us chugging down those fifty-five gallon oil drums like waterfront whores knocking back cheap tequila shots during Fleet Week. Meanwhile, Hey Sailor!, did you notice how haggard and unshaven so many talking heads seem to be on the TV news as this tarball spreads and spreads? Of course, they are-whatever vestige of a conscience they still have won't let them sleep and if we weren't distracted by empty (and empty-headed) gestures, we'd be sleepless right along with 'em, Seattle (and all points East and West)!

As for unshaven, imagine having a blade in your hand in front of the mirror while staring into the vacant eyes of the junkie whose addiction created this affliction, what would you do? Sure explains the stubble doesn't it? I know! We could start our own fan group, and get everybody to 'like' us! We'll call it "Save the Earth! (for Dessert)" Bet we could get a bajillion hits by lunchtime and still change nothing (if we're not willing to change ourselves).

I'd offer to be the first (to sign, not to change) but I'm booked solid right now with my day job. You see, I lay traps for troubadours who get killed before they reach Bombay. Business is booming.
-bill kenny

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