Friday, August 5, 2011

Sweet Home Alabama

With some news stories you guess the dateline before you get to the punchline. This is one of those: "Holy Smoke Locks and Loads Your Loved One's Ashes" Somehow, northeastern born and bred, I 'knew' this story was south of the Mason-Dixon line somewhere where NASCAR is one of the food groups. Of course it is.

I feel so much better knowing that American technology has made it possible that I finally could be faster than a speeding bullet, mainly because I am a speeding bullet. There's so much talk in the news about the hemorrhaging of manufacturing jobs to other countries but lookit here, it wasn't them Chinese or Sri Lankans or Lesothoians who came up with packing my Pappy's cremains into a projectile so I could take him hunting with me next snipe season. We're talking an idea that could only be born(e) in the USA.

A few more breakthroughs like this and our long moribund industrial sector of the economy will be rolling along like an out of control freight train (as if anyone here in the Land of the Round Doorknobs has traveled by train since Dwight David Eisenhower was in the White House). The Second Amendment already guaranteed us the right to bare arms and here's an opportunity to combine two different activities saving both time and money.

I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be shooting with a bullet packed with my adopted half-brother Buford or my cousin Tammy Rae unless it's another blood relative whom I like even less because they're still among the living. But you know what? I'll worry a lot less about the target than I will at having the capability and the projectile in the first place. I expect the NRA and whoever speaks for Handgun Owners to join together to make sure all Americans have the chance to remember their loved ones in this unique and uniquely American way. Puts a whole new twist on sonuvagun.
-bill kenny

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