Cause and Effect

I love indoor fireworks and small wonders. Don't get me wrong, I'm not immune to the charms of the grand gesture and the big moment but both bombast and bullshit start and end with identical letters and (too) often the former becomes the latter in the twinkling of an eye.

I thought I was going to riff today about the next installment of the personal misfortunes of a true prince among us, Alec Baldwin, except he's not and whatever happens to him (and plenty often does) it's not nearly everything he deserves, in my opinion, especially since he seems to bruise so easily.

Actually I'm the troll. I can't tell you why I dislike him, just that I do. We've never met, nor can I imagine a scenario when we would (obviously it won't be on a certain airline). I was never that big a fan of Kim Bassinger so it didn't break my heart when they married or set it free again when they divorced. He's just broadcasting on FM while I'm tuned to the police calls-don't know how else to put it. Alec, it's not you, it's me and as the Good Book says, let he without sin cast the first stone. But you might want to hold that thought instead of acting on it.

Especially if you're in Linda Vista, California, and then maybe not so fast with the rocks. This is one of those funny but not funny for everyone stories. If you're a parent of this child, you're sick with worry except, if you are the parent of that child, what the hell was he doing throwing stones at cars in the first place? And a crossbow? A crossbow!

Who the heck rides around with a crossbow in her/his car? I will NOT explore the "why?" question at all. And what's the matter with that guy anyway? You call shotgun, nobody calls crossbow! I can appreciate the advantages a crossbow has over a longbow, though I suspect Robin Hood could compensate for the limitations and still acquit himself well, but let's face it, a crossbow says "oh yeah?!" like very little else on earth. Talk about a statement.

Because I lack the will power and attention to detail to continue to follow this story I will never find out how many other cars the kid threw rocks at before he was crossbowed (if google is used as a verb, why not?) or even if authorities ever apprehend the assailants. I hope the RAV4 has cloth seats, because cruising around all day in tights with a crossbow can give you a rash to rival Oblio's point.
-bill kenny