Somebody Holds the Key

For much of the world, this is a joyous and joyful time of the year-filled with promise and hope and, if not, love, something we believe feels a lot like love. I'm off from work, to the rejoicing of many who aren't and yesterday I popped in to check my mail, review messages I've received from the President, and make sure my hallucination medications were up to date (2 of the 3 items in the preceding phrase were correct) and encountered someone I see on a regular, if not especially frequent, basis.

He was struggling a little bit with where he was, geographically, and where his family is, at the moment. I'm always a bit awkward with him because I cannot remember his name. I knew it at one time and then we both went in our separate directions in concentrating on work and when we next were introduced, years later (and also years ago), I sort of remembered the face and had no luck on the name.

Perhaps he's the same way (that would actually be funny-an Abilene Paradox at the interpersonal level. Sometimes, I just crack myself up.) and if I weren't so hung up on my not being able to remember his name maybe I'd notice he doesn't remember mine either. Perhaps we'd both discover we're not work friends at all but no more than familiar strangers. I'm sure if I ran into him in the metro in Beijing I'd talk to him; but years of working in the same organization left us so blase about each other's existence we've come to this. Honey, come meet "what's-his-name-from-work."

Probably a bad example since yesterday in a very brief conversation he made it clear he was having a tough time emotionally this Christmas. He's going through a divorce and I've never met his spouse (didn't even recall he had one), or any other members of his family, so it's hard to know what to say to him since, as I mentioned, I can't even say his name because I don't remember it.

We hear and read a lot about the holiday blues or blahs especially at Christmas, but from what I've come across that's mostly horse pucky on the scale of all the viral factoids on domestic violence and Super Bowl Sunday which is also not true. But, still, it's another traveler on the Big Blue Marble and I'd hate for anything to happen to someone for no other reason than I felt awkward about getting involved. There are times, I suspect, all of us feel alone facing a horizon that stretches forever under a heaven as empty of stars as our soul is of hope.

We have to make of what we are, all we can ever hope to be; and if that's lost and lonely, that's what it is.  No matter how often we try to be like Dorothy, there are no ruby slippers and when we open our eyes, it still ain't Kansas and the realization dawns the door isn't merely closed, but it's also locked . 
-bill kenny