Slightly Bigger than the Amboy Dukes

Imagine my surprise at Ted Nugent's return to the public spotlight. Go ahead, I'll wait. I was taken aback by the reference in this story to him as a 'shock rocker' since I'm not sure I know what those are (anymore) but am pretty sure The Tedster doesn't quite fit the position description. As old as dirt I am, Ted's older. We go back a far piece as they say in many of the places he bowhunts. Long ago, in an arena faraway in  Ludwigshafen, I went for an afternoon interview and stayed for a shock treatment with Mother's Finest as his opening act followed by some of the tallest and largest ampliers I'd ever seen in my rock and roll life as he took the stage.

The same guy who had, on a previous tour, handed out buttons that read 'If it's too loud, you're too old' was even louder, and older, on this particular tour, not that I chose to raise that topic after sitting through an afternoon sound check by both him and his opening act AND their full set AND his full set AND two encores. I had already figured out his collected works would probably never make it to the MOMA-he had long since done all of that math himself. It's not what he came for.

Yeah, he's gonzo and the Motor City Madman but the guy can play and he lives his life the way many of the rest of us can only dream of so doing (as long as none of us are Leonard Cohen). And now he's in trouble-who'd have thunk it. Most of Ted (93+ %, I'd wager) is entertainment, mostly his own. Long before he had a radio gig he was broadcasting to amuse himself about himself. And I can't help but think at some level he's enjoying that he may have become the equivalent of the Dixie Chicks for the current occupants of the White House. I cringe to even think about what he might be imagining he could do with the Dixie Chicks but I wouldn't be surprised he'd tell you-and it wouldn't be what you had first thought.

You had to know the day would come when he'd be forced to stop and smell the bovine excrement he's been recycling all these years because he knew it (long before the rest of us). He doesn't take any of this personally and would be crestfallen to learn someone else did. He runs with scissors. It's what he does. If we're smart, we'll run behind him otherwise he'll run us over. And don't let him near the paste!

The Nuge is all about fun and being loud and driving fast and shouting down people, preferably doing ALL of that while chowing down on a live animal. He never hunts for sport, claiming he dresses his own harvested game, starting with the socks, I'm sure. He's used to the sound of one hand clapping, mainly because he has another use for a digit on the other hand. I do know when you sup with Ted, you need a long spoon and a car that gets great gas mileage when it's on a Journey to the Center of the Mind. Right up front, stage right.
-bill kenny