Monday, March 6, 2017

Rhymes with Weird

The weekend has ended and I'm still growing the beard that I'm not growing. This time is different though parts of the process are still the same. The same part is that I'm not shaving. I started not shaving about a month ago so technically I guess you could say I am growing a beard especially when I tell you that I have also purchased beard softener (seriously and necessary too) as well as beard oil (and not a squeak has been heard since I started). And a trimmer, yep; in addition to a razor, I have a trimmer to keep the beard I'm not growing in control, sort of. 

Right now, I look a lot like that guy near the intersection with the cardboard sign that reads "Will Lick Your Leg for a Quarter." I sure hope that's not the look I'm going for (I hate change, literally and for a dollar), but I don't have a plan or an endpoint on this. It's not like anyone is shooting a remake of Grizzly Adams (I've always blamed Dan Fogelberg for Thom Pace). And I'm in no danger of running out of razor blades, hot water or shaving cream. Ich hab im moment kein bock mehr and until I do, I could end up looking like Cousin It

My wife has suggested except for the improvement, no one would notice the difference. I was going to suggest something connected with the famous four initials, (mit oder ohne ohren ist mir egal) but then I remembered it's her language and she wields it like a surgeon does a scalpel. Besides, I'm probably compensating for the top of my head where hair doesn't grow with a place on the bottom of my head where it does. Perhaps the ultimate combover? I guess when we're next out shopping, I could pick up some new hairbrushes.

I got new eyeglasses to start the week. I wore out the old ones trying to see other people's points of view. Since I've had no luck teaching the seeing eye dog how to shift, figured the glasses were a good investment. They're a lot like, but not quite, the same style as my previous ones so there's been some slight squinting as folks speak to me and attempt to look closer because they sense something is different (not better) but aren't sure what. Technically, I got new glasses because I lost the old ones, case and all. 

My wife celebrates her birthday later this week so perhaps I could shave as a present to her. Yeah, even as I typed that, my brain was swearing at my fingers, so that's a dog that won't hunt (no idea what that means, sounds rustic-all us mountain men do rustic real well). I should make an effort and get a real present (last year someone suggested, in light of the length of our relationship, I should get her a medal).

I will note my not a beard kept me warm during our Saint Patrick's Day Parade yesterday though I saw other people without beards who seemed to be as warm as I was, so make of that what you will. If you pass somebody in the next couple of days who looks like a dust bunny with a limp, feel free to say howdy. And keep your eye peeled for Sweeney Todd. That guy really creeps me out.
-bill kenny

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