I'm too old to remember which giveaway/magazine sales pitch Dick Clark and/or Ed McMahon used to work with and that point is moot since they've both shuffled off their mortal coil leaving one of us to get the big bouquet of roses, the sky-filling assortment of colored balloons and that Giant Check.
You might get mail from them trumpeting whatever approaching giveaway deadline they've invented now. Not me, brother; snail mail solicitations went out with high button shoes, though not high top sneakers (I have no idea why). This is the 21st Century, John Alden. I get emails from them by the bushel barrel. If I had four extra sets of eyes I couldn't read all the correspondence I get from them. They sure do want me to win, bless their hearts.
I'm getting persnickety, though. I never watched the videos in the first place and now I'm no longer playing all the slot machine games they offer either, be it Wild West, Under the Sea or whatever else is shaking. Nor do I play the poker (?) games. Nevertheless, I have (and I just looked this up to be accurate) 5,121,900 points and "Sapphire" status. Savor that for a minute and look at your own life's accomplishments, Ozymandias.
As you've probably guessed I also have zero idea what any of that stuff means or what to do with it but I am as pleased as punch to list that as my accomplishment. I might add it to my Linked-In profile but it might make others in my network jealous.
A number of months ago, I purchased a magazine (at a considerable discount from the cover price) for diabetics, because I was afraid I wasn't doing it right. It's a fine magazine and it's improved my life immeasurably, I assume (I'm still here). The really long thing they next sent me a month or so after the first issue of the magazine and that I shipped back immediately because I didn't know what it was and more importantly (at least to me) I didn't order it, not so much.
I have no idea how many millions await me (I'm hoping more than I can count because, and don't tell my wife, this is a major part of our retirement plan), but I really wanna believe the big day will be soon and I will be the gluckspilz who is all smiles as I endorse the back of that six-foot long check.
The only inconvenience I fear is that I'll actually have to go in to the bank to deposit it since the check won't fit into the deposit slot at the drive through not that I wanna risk scratching any of the new cars I've also won and as none of the banks around here are located near marinas, using any of the newly-won power boats or yachts is also not going to work out.
-bill kenny
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