A Different 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'

Count the number of times in the course of your day (in person or on the phone) someone asks 'how are you?' or words to that effect. I think we use turns of phrase like this to fill up the silence between us. No one expects an answer and when you finish your count, I think you'll be surprised as to how often throughout the day we reach for this conversational crutch.

Every time I go to a physician's office (and I see enough different doctors that I have my very own Blue Cross/Blue Shield customer rep, 1-888-bill-sick, though NOT for Hartford Healthcare), the receptionist asks me how I am. I am in your office to see your doctor, why don't you do the math.

I'm certainly NOT here for the six-month-old magazines am I, or that gorgeous view of the tops of the cars in the parking lot? And as lovely as that wall clock from the drug company rep for one of the erectile dysfunction treatments may well be, I already have a watch and didn't stop in to check the time. Besides the size of the sweep second-hand makes me feel inadequate.

Perhaps, the person behind the desk feels they should do something for the co-payment.
After all, when I get in to see the doctor, I'm not going to get a complimentary tongue depressor and I've yet to be offered a special on a colonoscopy (BOGO 'buy one, get one half off!').

How are you supposed to respond, "I'm fine"? Oh? Why are you in the doctor's office, then, buster? Do you get your co-pay back? I don't think so (I sure don't).

When I do get to the exam room, the doctor invariably starts with 'how are you?' as well. But that's why I'm here! For him to tell me how I am. Perhaps I'm actually part of a carney act, where he guesses my weight or how much change I have in my jacket pocket.

Thirty-eight cents, by the way, and none of the five coins is a dime. Hmmm......
I'll check back in with you later on. You'll know it's me. I'll ask 'how are you?' but I won't be listening to your answer. Oh well.
-bill kenny