Heal or Heel

I am NOT a doctor, nor I do play one on television (or anywhere else; I'm looking at you Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, and Roy Moore) so I'm perpetually puzzled at all the prescription advertising heading my way usually during national broadcast news programs. 

I've lost track of all the ailments that can be managed by the products being hawked and I never tire of the admonishment to "tell your doctor" about some aspect of your life that might, just might, cause you to drop dead from whatever it is BigPharmaInc are selling during this commercial break. I'd like to think my doctor is aware of my allergies and problems otherwise perhaps before worrying about new meds I need to shop for a new doc.

Early in the morning on the treadmill at Planet Fitness as the minute hand slowly crawls towards half-past five, there are ads for diabetes supplies (yesterday was a repeat ad for a "CGM," a constant glucose monitor I suspect, though NO ONE ever said that) as well as for a Teeter board or something that I strap myself into and then stand on my head and it helps my back. And the guy who makes it pitches it on camera and jumps up in the air shouting, "I'm 72 years old and I feel great!" He looks NOTHING like Tony the Tiger. Just sayin'.

There's a device I strap to my outer leg and the pulses make all of my pain disappear. Sign me up except why do I only see the advertising for this miracle device at oh bright/but still dark early on weekdays. And surely the folks who design these pitches realize I don't assume everyone wearing a white lab coat is a doctor, right? I mean they could be barbers (what a great name for a band!)

I have no illusions that I will live forever, though at least a while longer would be nice (depending on what's for lunch) but I suspect all of us can live without and live better all of those video-promoted medications and wonder cures that we all know in our hearts are really neither. 
-bill kenny