Friday, February 13, 2015

When Something Wicked this Way Comes

I'm not superstitious, but these words written in another year got me through this day and while your mileage may vary mine is unwavering. The Surgeon General has determined blah, blah, blah, awful stuff, blah, blah, whenever it's Friday the 13th and fear of blah, blah, blah. The End. 

C'mon, none of us ever read disclaimers all the way through anyway so I figured I'd offer you an ersatz disclaimer, a slice of that mock apple pie made with Ritz crackers and a tall frosty glass osomething other than milk from a cow to wash it all down with. Mmmmm.You got a little something on the side of your upper lip, sunshine. 

We've got the most highly developed brain of any species on this planet but we're also the only species who hate and fear one another for reasons such as different religions, skin colors or political beliefs. So if any other species has the gift of speech (and I guess, the ability to read as well and a thumb that works a scroll ball) now might be a good time for one or more of them to ask aloud, 'how come the bi-peds are the crown of creation., anyway?' 

On top of all those misplaced prides and prejudices (you don't suppose Jane is related to Steve, by any chance? I'm trying to imagine Fitzwilliam Darcy having a discussion with Oscar Goldman) we have the mother of all irrationalities, Friday the Thirteenth and the fear of it. Of course, it's only irrational if you don't put any stock into any of the literature or folk tales  you've heard since you were young. 

There are seven point two katrillion jillion websites (a number I just made up and have you ever known me to lie to you?) on every aspect of this day and date combination, and one's as good as the other, or as bad, depending on how you feel.

You might have a lucky number, or a special letter, or maybe a pony ride for your birthday (you ba$tard!), so far be it from me to pooh-pooh, pshaw or tsk-tsk (I love when I can use classic ancient words; I am, after all, wearing Old Spice. And you thought I was kidding about the pony) your values or beliefs. If they help you place your universe in order, that's fine. 

I put all the cash in my wallet in order by denomination (Catholics go first, obviously) and then in sequence based on serial number. My wife used to find this quirk endearing; now, however not so much. She's helped me manage my compulsion by making sure I have very little folding money. Everyone standing behind me in lines in shops everywhere as I used to put the bills in order is very grateful.

In a way, I guess it's counter-intuitive to wish you a happy Friday the Thirteenth especially since we'd be here all day on what a 'happy' one might look like. But if you want a reason to be UNhappy about Friday the Thirteenth, let me point out we have one next month, again. Thirteen month old baby broke the lookin' glass-seven years of bad luck. The good things in your past. Better times tomorrow if you can just last. 
-bill kenny

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