Just in time for Sunday, a news brief from earlier in the week, linking Canton, CT, with Jensen Beach, Florida (I've never (to my knowledge) been in either place, but their luck may eventually run out and I hope they'll be gracious should that happen). I've heard people describe the late Johnny Carson as 'the host with the most' but this is bordering on ridiculous. Keep your eyes peeled for follow-up stories because the first rush doesn't even get close to answering some of the "what the heqq!?!" questions I, and I suspect, you as well, have about this.
I can (sort of) understand reports of people robbing the sacristy or the altar or removing candlesticks and other items of perceived value--but consecrated hosts? And during Mass? Thankfully, if the Associated Press is to believed, law enforcement apprehended the culprit, John Ricci, which saves us all the prospect of an APB on the Anti-Christ. (Police sketch artist: 'So, you said he had horns, right?' Eyewitness: 'Yeah, and a beard. And make his hooves more cloven while you're at it.')
I'm struggling to get my head around how, exactly, John Ricci (allegedly) pulled this caper off--perhaps the old "Bless me Father--say, isn't that Mary, Mother of God, standing over there next to Brian?" Reading that the suspect is currrently undergoing a psychiatric evaluation is sort of a 'doh! ya think?' moment for me, to be honest. I can tell you this, if you're a believer, make a note now, come End of Days, you don't want to be anywhere near JR when he stands before JC (I'm a little surprised. I had figured Him for more of a dot org than a dot com kind of Deity, and do NOT scroll down on the link to see 'how it all ends'. That's why we're here, okay?)
Meanwhile and elsewhere, leading me to conclude (I would hope) unfairly that more than the game's afoot in Florida is this item datelined from Pompano Beach. In light of the fact that Troy saw the Lord's likeness on a piece of French Toast, I wonder if that will that make IHOP the next Lourdes?
-bill kenny
PS: Whoa! Almost forgot the joke. Here goes:
Johnny Rocker suddenly dies. Yes, it's sad, but he's been a good person and a great rock and roll fan and so he goes to heaven. There, he meets St Peter who tells him 'your timing is perfect! C'mon in-the concert is about to start.'
And with that, Peter leads Johnny backstage at the Heavenly Amphiteatre where he sees Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison jamming with Jimi Hendrix. Before Johnny can say a word, Peter leads him down a hallway and slowly opens a dressing room door, just a crack, and there, adjusting his sunglasses and checking his hair in the mirror's reflection one more time, is Bono.
Johnny is saddened-and turns to Peter. 'I can't believe it!' Johnnny says, 'when did Bono die?!?'
'Not to worry,' says Peter, 'that's not Bono. That's God. He just thinks he's Bono.'
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