I'm not especially intuitive or empathetic. For someone who has made a living for most of his waking life (I'm pretty sure the one in my dreams is taxed or prohibited in some states) interacting with others, I'm a terrible people person. I'm not proud of this-it is what it is.
I was brought up that men don't cry, though some of us haven't gotten the memo. If you started, there was always a promise 'I'll give you something to cry about' to stifle that urge. My wife has managed to live with an emotional cripple for over a third of a century and has passions enough for both of us and a spontaneity to how she expresses herself I find breathtaking, even when (for whatever reason) I'm on the receiving end of it (immer auf die kleinen).
Our two children have spent their lives with one engaged, involved parent and one who seems to have the emotional vitality of a cigar store Indian (you are surprised by the link? I am surprised by your surprise). I have Sjogren's, among my medical maladies, so tears for fears is far more conceptual than actual which is how I tend to rationalize my stunted emotional growth. Emo is a no-go in my neighborhood, Mr. Rogers.
Moving to Boston, living in Nutmeg while going to university. As proud as I've been of 'our kids' for doing these things, I've never adequately conveyed that pride or the sadness that I've felt when a visit comes to an end and they stay while we go. Not helping matters recently were circumstances that required conceding one or more of us had come to the place where the road and the sky collide. Despite being a Master of the Obvious, I didn't see the signs until they were in the rear view mirror.
My wife has been busy, rescuing and reclaiming that which can be either and removing that which can never be again in any form. For my part, I sit immobilized by the sadness of what has happened, but knowing that it, too, is part of the human condition and happens innumerable times everyday. Repetition doesn't reduce the heartache, I know, just marginalizes it.
I've struggled for the right words in recent days because of a situation I didn't create, don't understand and cannot repair--none of those abilities are in my skill set to begin with and we're all better off if I don't try. All I could offer were 'other fish in the sea' and 'more ducks on the pond' and worry that Animal Planet might become a premium channel because of my unauthorized use. I've reached a point where I'd have settled for any words at all to ease the pain and dull the sting. Instead, I found these and recognize they are too few and too far in between, except they are all I have.