Friday, March 1, 2013

Relying on the Kindness of Strangers

I've read where the 'average' American heterosexual adult man thinks about sex every seven seconds (perhaps). At the average reading speed pause; and we're back. By the way, buddy, my words are up here. And all this time, you thought sex was the nummer nach funf auf Deutsch. Please....

To underscore a point on this subject torn from the headlines, I have a joke, I'm thinking the type of joke Jackie Mason might have once used while 'working blue' in the main lounge of a fancy resort in the Catskills. A little naughty but not dirty; cover one eye.

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store on a late Friday afternoon with a beautiful, much younger woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his special friend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The elderly fellow shook his head and said, "No. I need something much more special than any of these; what do you have?" The jeweler sensing a big sale, reached for his upper line of high-end rings and bracelets. The customer picked up a ring priced at $45,000. His sweet young thing squealed with delight. Her eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. Her older companion smiled, nodded and said, ‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man said, ‘by check. I realize you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday morning when it opens to verify the funds. I'll come back Monday afternoon to pick up the ring if that's okay with you.’

Monday morning, shortly after the banks opened, the jeweler phoned the old man and angrily shouted, ‘You cheat! I wait all weekend and there isn't a damn dime in that account!’
"And don't I know it," laughed the man, "but let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!" 

Oy. If it helps, think of me as Kenny Youngman. It doesn't, does it? Didn't think so-never works for me, either. And this definitely won't help so don't think about it too much at all but, rather, regard it as life imitating art.

I do wonder why older women with younger men are cougars while older men with younger women are, well, lucky, it would appear. Couldn't we just consider them Gentlemen Callers or should we ask Laura?
-bill kenny

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