Sunday, November 17, 2013

Verbal Snapchat

For the middle of November, we had a marvelous day weather wise yesterday. Temperatures approached 60 degrees with a glorious and cloudless blue sky you could get lost in with a light breeze and despite the end of Daylight Savings Time, all the sunshine you could ever want.

Was it so nice you needed to put the convertible top down on your Chrysler Terraplane (or whatever model it was)? How about the jet black 'Vette rumbling down Washington Street? I'm not a big fan of the faith of my fathers but I am a true believer in karmic payback so for the record, Oh Great Universal Consciousness (in case there isn't actually a God), I'd point out the Chrysler had MAsshole license plates and the 'Vette was a coffee milk fan. Just sayin', Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine and I don't want anyone else's snow, okay?

Walking back from the grocery, nearing Fanning Street I passed a fellow pedaling a bike much too small for him on the sidewalk, complicating his task by trying to drink a can of beer in a brown paper bag because that's as effective a disguise as pasties on a dancer's chest. I was quite taken with his Boston Red Sox watch cap (101 days until the first spring training game, wicked pissah).

I walked briskly back from the store, as if I know another way to walk, because I'd had yet another encounter with a mathlete in the express checkout line who thought his 18 items was the 12 allowed. I didn't appreciate the way the checkout clerk told me she 'didn't mind, it's fine.' I explained to her no it wasn't; that while she got paid to stand there, I did not and that I'd appreciate it greatly if the Count of Monte Christo on future excursions would be more considerate.

To his credit the fellow in front of me looked he was weighing whether to get into it with me. As he opened his mouth, I am assuming to speak, I assured him in my most unctuous tone that in a battle of wits with me he was unarmed and that if "you succeed in provoking me into giving you my undivided attention, you will NOT know what to do with it."

He decided my public service announcement probably made sense and bundled up his purchases and took off in his shopping cart with what seemed to be at least one square wheel, as I turned my attention to purchasing my items. The clerk offered, while staring into a middle distance I didn't quite understand, that "you really told him, huh?" Yep, sure did, I offered with a tight smile, and guess who's next?
-bill kenny

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