We all have someone (or more than one someone) about whom
we wonder wistfully ‘how can I miss you when you never go away?’ (I can hear your thoughts, y’know; and right
backatcha). Though we have never, nor in all likelihood shall, ever meet, one
of those folks for me is Lindsay Lohan.
I’m not going to rant or vent. She is who she is in the
same way I am who I am. We share the same biology and from a nearly
approximately infinite distance in space, we look very much the same. Of
course, I can’t claim to be a character in a video game. Lindsay, over to you.
I love hard luck headlines and stories like that. It is a
hard life if you don’t weaken here in The First World. And I’d know, because I’m
an expert. Submitted for your inspection: my unhappiness a short while back at
how far an electrical outlet was from a nightstand in my hotel room on which I
had my cell phone because it was really hard
to get the recharger cord to reach. Yeah, I’m that guy-and I find it comforting to
know Lindsay’s my gal, struggling bravely to overcome an
irony deficiency,
I thought between making movies which sink without a trace
in the market faster than the Lusitania did in the ocean, she was getting all
kinds of help up on Rehab Mountain. Or maybe not? Baby girl, if you’re forced to choose
between Max and Christopher
for life advice, choose Chris and leave ‘em laughing when you go.
- bill kenny
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