Answers to "Haze"

I love when real life behaves like maybe, just maybe, magic mushrooms have become their own food group.

Take this story. Reads like someone in the newsroom at the Cape Cod Times was having a very slow day. All that's missing is a quote from the alleged perpetrator, Felix Reagan (missed the casting call for Blue Bloods, I guess), that has him shrieking at a cop, "excuse me while I kiss this guy."

Not intending to seem like I'm advocating for PETA, but what we've got a laundry list of charges to include the destruction of a car, the vandalism at the house and the theft of the credit cards, all brought to me by the letters "A" and "E" as in classes of controlled substances.

As an average reader, I think I can be forgiven for wondering why we opted to publish a head and shoulders shot of Felix, with the usual 'yeah, the cops take all my selfies for me' facial expression plus the hint of a smile, rather than a picture of the dog.

How big a dog? One coat or did he use primer first? Brush or roller? Enamel or oil-based? Does the animal now answer to Sherwin-Williams? As for a follow-up story which might answer some of those questions and even others like Felix's reasons, or lack thereof, for doing what he did I have the feeling without ever setting foot in the paper's editorial offices that idea just won't hunt.
-bill kenny