Life Goes On

Somewhere last week, I lost track of almost all the days in it. I've had this happen before and have put it down to 'getting old' but that doesn't actually make sense since I've lived through all the days, I just didn't seem to get any of 'em on me.

The most memorable item as best as I can recall was how we will celebrate Thanksgiving (and by extension, Christmas) this year. My wife and I have two children who are, in every sense of the word, adults themselves, though in recent years I've developed a vision problem that precludes my successfully seeing them with my heart as anything other than as they once were.

I have memories of my son, Patrick, now 37, being no more than two or so when I'd pick him up to put him in his backseat car seat in our BWW 518 while cheering 'nur Patrick!' to which he shouted in return, 'nur Daddy!' It was always a pep club rally in the garage behind Ahornstrasse 67, Offenbach am Main. Zwei Deppen aber glucklich.

Michelle, our daughter, a proud graduate of Eastern Connecticut State University, would (back in the day) balance herself on my right arm as I held her up so she could see herself as a tiny toddler in our bathroom mirror while we (her brother and I) serenaded her with 'How Much is that Baby in the Mirror' to the tune of some other song whose name I've forgotten, as she peered solemnly into the mirror and then slowly smiled when she realized the baby she was seeing was herself. I smiled because the song was one of the ways I obliquely introduced English as a language into my children's lives.

And now, part and parcel of all the days I don't recall, our family which went from two to three to four and then down to three is back to two again and I'm feeling sorry for myself even though I did my job as a dad (and will testify to that effect in court) and should be happy our children are, themselves, adults with their own lives.

My wife, whose country and culture have no formal Thanksgiving holiday is the architect for every reason I have to be thankful for every day, even the days that have rushed by, unheeding and unmindful. The moments that I thought I'd remember have so often, too often, been joined by all of those now lost to me forever. 

And though I've always tried to move as quickly through life as it has through me, I've not been as successful as I could and should have been. And yet, somehow, the days I'll remember all my life are those of miracles and wonder and all of those seem to involve, and revolve around, those I love.
-bill kenny