Something that took my spouse a long time to get used to is how quickly I talk (and how much). I tried explaining to her that I grew up in a small state with a LOT of people, New Jersey.
New Jersey was/is so crowded that if you pause while speaking to anyone at any time, it could be YEARS before you have the opportunity to finish your sentence (thought, for many of us, is a bridge too far).
As our decades together have flown and grown, she's gotten used to me and maybe I've slowed down slightly. Maybe. My thinking certainly has, so I guess that's a start.
In my last job before retiring, I occasionally annoyed others on the staff by defining my position as 'someone who tells the boss when he's doing a stupid thing.' I think every organization, looking in the direction of the White House, should have someone as an ombudsman for the reality beyond the bubble, who speaks their truth to power. After all, there are just so many trips to Abilene you can take before you tire of both the destination and the journey.
I was tolerated more than seriously listened to for which in retrospect I'm grateful, I think, as most of those with whom I worked came from a background so different from mine that the only place our lives could have ever intersected was on the job.
One of the things I NEVER got used to though was being verbally overrun by someone who'd decided we'd listened to 'that guy' long enough (usually measured in seconds) and it was time to return to our regularly scheduled staff meeting (which usually consisted of offering the chair's thoughts back to them, slightly differently worded, in the hopes that no one caught on to how craven they were. You've already guessed who figured that out.)
I carved out my own space and earned wariness if not respect through two different behaviors. The first was in response to the old 'we'll wait a few minutes for those not yet here' maneuver. It always pissed me off when other people thought so little of my time they were fine wasting it by being late for meetings that all of us knew the start time for.
There was a day that after the 'we'll wait' announcement, I stood up and made one of my own: "I refuse to be punished for being on time. I'll see everyone later." After about a dozen invocations of my new mantra, PRESTO!, meetings suddenly always started on time.
The other stick between the spokes I'd use, and I highly recommend it, was as someone cut me off I'd offer, "I'm sorry the middle of my sentence got into the beginning of yours." The looks of puzzlement followed by ones of resentment for grasping the insult were their own reward. Plus, I got to finish making my original point (as opposed to the one on the top of my head. Thank goodness for ballcaps!).
However, as I'll never be awarded a Mister Congeniality or Cordiality Award, I'll defer to some experts on how to keep from getting overwhelmed by others in verbal and social intercourse. Your mileage may vary. I wouldn't let it bother you.
-bill kenny
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