Monday, November 16, 2015

To Help Recover from that Red Cup Ruckus

In the future suggested/warned Andy Warhol, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. Don’t know about you, but if I bought a watch for every humanoid that surfaced in my newsfeed with little to no reason to be there in the first place, I would do nothing all day, every day, but buy watches and give them to the Fifteen Minutes Crowd. 

I did streamline my life a bit earlier this week when I added to my Google Chrome browser an extension that promised to eliminate “news” about the Kardashians from my roaring river of information. So far it has worked like a charm. I think it exists only for Android which suits me fine with a Samsung Note 4; I’m sure there’s something in the worlds for the iPhone, but since I don’t have one, iDon’t Care (didja see what I did there?)

In the same spirit as three dozen bazillion stories every day, the “why is this news?” news feed, I did read that David Hasselhoff has changed his name, though not to anything I, in many moments of weakness, have been guilty of calling him.

“I’m into bigger and better things,” he says. From your lips to God’s ear, Dave, unless you change your first name as well (and as luck would have it, of course, I have suggestions but your Mom might cry when she hears them).

Nothing personal but folks like David H, Pamela A, Paris H, Nicole R, and swarms of others are really panda bears in my estimation. And by that I mean, nondescript creatures with no discernible talents or abilities (or specific intelligence) that we have decided to “like.” Panda bears eat bamboo, which does very little for them nutritionally so they live life-long (and it’s not all that long, either) pretty much paw to mouth.

But we find them adorable. They appear to me to have no other purpose aside from eating bamboo and inciting frenzied zoo-goers around the world to create inane suggestions for names when, on the rare occasion they have sex in captivity, they produce offspring.

Not much of a life, and like I said, reminiscent of the Fifteen Minutes crowd. It’s good to read at least one of them is headed towards bigger and better, as long as it’s not red swim trunks and beach runs. Tick, tick, tick.
-bill kenny

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