Sedaka's Not Always Right

Not that you asked, or care for that matter, but we've changed our phone/cable/internet provider since the new year started. Actually, we were building up to it for quite some time in the latter stages of 2019, playing a series of 'if just one more thing goes sideways' games that culminated in us changing providers within the first seventy-two hours of 2020. 

It took our now-previous service provider seven or so weeks to send me an email (they unilaterally phased out snail-mailing invoices about three years ago unless I paid an additional fee for that service) with what I'm assuming is a final invoice for a bit under twenty-five dollars with no explanation as to why that amount. 

Asking their Social Media Outreach Team for assistance in getting an explanation got me nothing or maybe even less if you include elevating my blood pressure, despite their unfailing politeness. So I'm paying the bill via snail mail but I'm not being especially gracious about it as I've written them a less than gracious break-up note, below.

I've excised the name of the former provider since my mother raised crazy children but not stupid ones and I'd prefer to live forever (until I die trying) without being sued by legal representatives of a straight-talking buffalo.  

"Ref:        Final payment on account XXX-XXX-XXXX-XXXXX-X

Enclosed please find my cheque for $23.30 and a copy of your email invoice, dated 12 February 2020. 

I was unable to pay you online as my account closed on 6 January 2020 and can no longer be accessed through your website, though, at least in theory, you should already know that and should have sent me an itemized final bill via snail mail.

And yet, like so many other “should have’s” in the nearly eight years I was a Fxxxxxxr customer, you didn’t. Not that you asked, or would ever ask, for exit feedback as a customer moves on, you inherited a terrific product, U-Verse, from AT&T which you allowed to deteriorate for reasons I don’t pretend to understand.

I do know, however, my unhappiness at that time with Cxxxxxt, from service through billing, which drove me to AT&T was finally overcome by your ongoing failures and inadequacies, ultimately leading me to swallow very hard before returning to them as my provider in the hopes they have done something I do not see you ever doing, improve.

They say experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you want so I guess I have now had my Fxxxxxxr Experience. Again, enclosed, please find my final check."

-bill kenny