Killing Time

This is, unofficially, the last three-day weekend of the summer. Yeah, I know summer doesn't end until...well, until it does, but we all know what I meant so put your hand down as I'm not taking questions. Point in fact I have a bunch of my own, so here goes: 

I saw a man yesterday with a Mohawk haircut, but the part that wasn't in the Mohawk was shaved to the naked scalp. He was wearing a three-piece suit that probably cost twice what my car is worth. I cannot imagine what he does for a living to be able to do what he does for a living. He wasn't a young guy, either. I'm not real good at guessing ages, or weight for that matter, so that career as a Carney is out.

Actually, he was closer to being my age and he looked as goofy as the guys with whom I didn't go to Woodstock together. They have long hair, gray, frayed and wispy, in a ponytail. Nothing sticks it to the man like a Volvo station wagon, Teva sandals, and the green 'we recycle' grocery bag while shopping for tofu and bean sprouts. Fight the Power!

Here's somebody I'd like the 'man' to stick it to. The auto-American cretin who compensates for his car's driver's side headlamp being burned out by driving with his high beams on and not dimming them as you and he approach one another. 

Yeah, I remember what Driver Ed said: don't retaliate and turn yours on-it makes two blinded drivers but still... Our son many years ago gave me a great idea-I turn off all my lights which makes it a lot easier for Hi (no Lois) to see me behind the wheel as I visually suggest that he's my #1 special friend, but not in that way.

I also don't know what to do about the driver who goes up a one-way street the wrong way, slowly because he certainly doesn't want to cause an accident, for a short distance, to pull into somebody's driveway, rather than go around the block. I love when he comes nose to nose with a car coming down the street the correct way and they glare at each other like Mr. Upstream Salmon has any comeback at all. Or that guy's cousin, the driver who backs up a one-way street the wrong way with the car flashers on, so I guess it doesn't count as much.

And help me out on this one-the Presidential elections are over (Spare me the "Stop the Steal" palaver and go peddle those MyPillowcases somewhere else). Take the bumper stickers off-and I mean ALL of them, not just the party who lost but the party who won as well. We can remember all manner of slights, real and/or imagined, but forget that sometimes a razor blade can be your friend. 

But judging from the number of three-day growths I've seen lately, every bumper in America will soon be gleaming from sea to shining, or whining, sea. I can only assume we're working our way to buzz cutting those chickens in every pot unless your diet calls for it the other way round.
-bill kenny